The Road to Redemption is Pitted with Potholes
by Sheyrena Wyrsabane
Summary: Sequel to Cultural Differences. Loki is on Earth serving out his punishment, and he has to contend not only with a foreign planet, but being a hostile. He learns the meaning of love from the children he visits at the orphanage, the meaning of family from Thor, and how to be human from Steve. Somewhere along the way, he also learns how to be himself.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So, here it is. The start of the sequel to Cultural Differences. It's strange writing from Loki's perspective instead of Thor, and that means that some characters are going to be seen differently, because they interact differently with Loki than they do with Thor, and that's a product of perception, not my personal feelings towards them.

* * *

Loki is left alone after he's brought to the Tower. He knows they don't want him here, and while he doesn't want to be here, he really doesn't want to be on Asgard so he tries to make it seem like he isn't around. If they forget about him then he can't bother them which means no one will ask him to leave, right?

He waits until they're all asleep to go to the kitchen and prepare food. He hoards enough in his room that he doesn't have to return again until the next night. He spends several days like this, passing the time by reading through the books Odin permitted him to bring to Earth with him.

He hadn't thought the Allfather would allow him any of his possessions, but Loki had been allowed to bring some of his spell books with him, ones that were deemed harmless. They were full of spells he'd never practiced, because why would he need to help plants grow or heal bruises or even lull someone to sleep? He did know the hair regeneration spell, because once after chopping off Sif's hair he'd been forced to fix the damage, but most of these spells are new, and he devours them.

He sneaks around the Tower, testing out his new spells, and he grins when he can bring the dead plant in Thor's room back to life and when he heals the bruises mottling Natasha's skin after she spars with Steve. He does it while she's sleeping, and he wonders if that's a violation of his probation, but he's helping her, and that's what he's supposed to be doing, right?

It is the seventh day of his imprisonment when a knock comes at his door. He closes his book and steps into his closet before sending a clone to open the door.

"Hey," Steve says looking uncomfortable. "We were wondering if you wanted to join us for dinner. Bruce is cooking so it's going to be good."

They are inviting Loki to spend time with them? Loki doesn't understand why, and he's not sure if refusing their wishes is a violation of his sentence. Usually he's all for exploiting loopholes, but since the punishment for being wrong is his death, he's being a little more cautious.

"I would be honored," Loki says. "What time should I arrive?"

"We're eating at six." Steve pauses, not sure what else to say.

Loki nods. "Thank you. I will see you then."

He closes his door and the clone disappears until there is only one Loki in the room. He's pleased that his first interaction didn't end in him being harmed, though he is still perplexed by the dinner invitation.

He checks the clock next to his bed. He has two hours before dinner. He wants to keep reading, but he knows better than to arrive as a guest to a meal without an offering so instead he takes the card Thor gave him that apparently operates as human currency and goes to find an appropriate offering.

* * *

Loki cautiously approaches the kitchen. The light is on, and he can hear the Avengers laughing over something Clint has said. Loki remembers Clint's humor, how it was a bright spot in Loki's mind during his attempted takeover of Earth. He's missed Clint's particular brand of humor, but he doesn't think it's something he'll be allowed to share in.

He knows from his time spent in Clint's mind that the man values his privacy, and that he needs to have the control over who he tells what information to, and Loki violated both of those by entering his mind. He knows that the man will hate him, but Loki doesn't know how he should act. Should he try to be friendly? Apologize? Not acknowledge him?

Loki pauses in the doorway as Thor laughs, deep and booming. Loki has spent years sitting at the table next to Thor, watching him joke with Sif and recount battles with the Warriors Three. He had tried to escape that shadow, but it looks like he's only found a way to put himself in it permanently.

He takes a deep breath to steel himself. Struggling against his fate is what landed him in trouble. He needs to accept his place.

He steps into the light of the kitchen, and the table falls silent. He expected that reaction, but it still hurts. Thor is the only one to meet his eyes, and Loki can't help but notice how Clint has drawn into himself, no hint of a smile left anywhere on his face.

"I have brought an offering as thanks for the invitation," Loki says holding up a bottle of wine.

Tony groans. "Are we really going to go through this again?"

Loki takes a step back. "I apologize if this is an unacceptable offering. I will leave you to your meal."

"Wait," Thor says as Loki turns to leave. "You have done nothing wrong. It is not your fault that humans do not understand our customs. Sit and I will find the appropriate glasses for your offering."

"You have got to be kidding," Tony says. "We have to start housebreaking another demi-god?"

Loki braces himself for Thor to throw the glasses on the ground or for him to begin shouting. Instead, Thor places a glass in front of each person at the table as if he hasn't been gravely insulted.

"Something wrong?" Tony asks, noticing Loki's stare.

Loki forces his gaze away from Thor. "Simply surprised is all."

Tony grins. "Yeah, seeing Thor all domestic is a bit of a shock. You'll get used to it. Who knows, maybe we'll even get you in an apron."

"Doubtful," Loki says. He opens his mouth to explain their offense, but Thor puts a hand on Loki's shoulder as he sets a wine glass in front of him, a request to stay quiet. Loki doesn't understand why Thor doesn't want Loki to correct the mortals, explain that Thor is a full-fledged god, but he knows that he's expected to follow orders now so he closes his mouth.

"I made eggplant parmesan," Bruce says, pulling dishes out of the oven before Tony can say something else meant to spark a fight. As much as he trusts that Loki doesn't want to die, he doesn't trust anyone to withstand Tony's instigation for long.

Natasha wrinkles her nose. "I don't understand your aversion to meat."

Bruce shrugs. "I don't have an aversion to it. I just wanted some eggplant parm."

Thor passes the bottle of wine around as Bruce starts dishing out dinner.

"You prefer meatless dishes, do you not?" Thor asks, placing a hand on Loki's arm.

Loki nods, uncomfortable with the attention suddenly on him. All the people in this room are hostiles, even Thor though that will only be under duress. He wants to flee or hide, but he forces himself to smile. There's no reason to be afraid. These are heroes. They won't harm him.

He shrugs off Thor's hand and smiles. "I do. I look forward to sampling this dish."

"Okay," Tony says. "This is weird." He looks around the table. "Doesn't anyone else think this is weird?"

"Oh no," Natasha says. "I eat with my mortal enemies all the time."

Loki relaxes at the first sign of genuine hostility. It's real and it lets him feel justified in the precautions he's taken.

"Thank you," Tony says. "He's talking like Thor does, and it's weird."

"Of course he is," Thor says. "We are brothers. We were raised in the same manner."

"But he sounds sane, and it's weird."

"That's enough," Steve says, noticing the way Loki's starting to tense again. "We're all going to eat together and get along."

"Now that," Clint says, "is weird."

He shares a smile with Tony and digs into his dinner. Having Loki here puts him on edge, but he can't let it affect him. He won't let him affect him. This is his Tower, this is his team, and he's not going to let Loki ruin that.

* * *

Loki sits in his closet, feeling his stomach fill as his clone eats for him.

* * *

Loki stays away from them for a few days after that dinner. Their conversation was awkward and stilted, and he knows it was his fault. This is their home, and he doesn't want to upset them, because he has nowhere else to go if he's kicked out of here. Well, he supposes he could wander Earth alone, but he doesn't think Odin or Fury would approve of that. His options are live in this Tower or die so until he starts to go insane he's going to stick with living in the Tower.

Rather, living in his closet.

He's found extra bedding, and he's made himself a nest. He feels safe and warm tucked into the corner of his closet. He has a clone sleep in his bed in case someone comes into his room, though they never do.

He's finished his first read through of his books, and he's starting the second, but he's bored. He's supposed to be atoning for his crimes, but he doesn't know how he's supposed to be doing that. He doesn't think memorizing beginner spell books is going to help him end his exile.

He keeps a chart along one of the walls in his closet. He has several pieces of paper hung up on the walls. One for each of the Avengers, one for Midgard, one for Asgard, one for Odin, and one for Frigga. Each poster has two columns. Ones for the crimes Loki has committed and one for what he's done to atone for it.

He adds a bullet point to his Midgard column and writes down 'restored dying flowers at the graveyard'. Tomorrow he plans on visiting the cancer ward at the local hospital. He had taken a walk the other day and learned from a newspaper that there is a sickness on Earth that claims the hair of its victims, and that healthy people donate their hair to those who have lost it. Loki's magic isn't strong enough to cure the illness, but perhaps his hair regeneration spell can at least give them their hair back.

A knock at the door startles him, and his marker slips making it look like he'd crossed out his garden bullet point. He sighs and puts the cap on the marker as he sends a clone out to open the door.

Thor's smile is bright when Loki opens the door. "Would you like to come to dinner? There's no need for an offering. It is not a human custom."

Loki doesn't have anything better to do so he has his clone follow Thor down to dinner. It's Steve's turn to cook so they're having steak and potatoes and green beans. Loki hesitantly slides into his seat as he returns Steve's smile.

"Finally," Tony says, picking up his silverware as soon as Steve sets a plate in front of him.

Steve slaps at his hands. "Not until everyone has their dinner."

"But I'm starving," Tony says. "It's like my stomach is eating itself."

Clint laughs. "That's what happens when you actually work out. And guess what? Tomorrow, your muscles are going to be sore."

"I hate you," Tony grumbles. He doesn't understand why he needs to train with the rest of them. He has a suit for a reason. It protects him and it lets him shoot repulsor beams. What does he need martial arts and bulky muscles for?

"Thank you," Loki says, his voice soft when Steve puts a plate down in front of him. Steve smiles and gives Loki's shoulder a small squeeze before handing Thor his plate.

"So training went well?" Natasha asks, laughing as Tony flipped her the bird.

"If by went well you mean I got to kick Tony's ass, then yeah. It was fantastic." Clint grins and spears a green bean. He sets it back on his plate at Steve's glare.

"Maybe Tony and I can dance tomorrow," Natasha says, picking up her steak knife and twirling it between her fingers.

"You're creepy as hell, you know that?" Tony asks.

"I think it's good that you're working on hand-to-hand combat," Steve says. "I know you're safe in the suit but what if you don't have the suit on? What if someone comes after Tony Stark?"

Tony sighs. "Are we really going to go through this again?" He looks around and sees that everyone has food. "Can we eat now?"

Loki pokes at his food as they fall into easy banter about training. He hasn't been invited to join which he understands, but he doesn't know how he's supposed to atone for the major wrong things he's done if he can't help fight to save the world. Will enough little things add up? Will planting flowers change the fact that he almost destroyed this city? He doesn't think so.

"Are you not hungry?" Thor asks, motioning to Loki's plate.

He's cut everything into bite sized pieces, but he hasn't actually eaten anything. "I'm fine." He puts a bite of mashed potato and green beans into his mouth.

"I know you, and you are not well."

"I grow restless," Loki admits.

"It is more than that. Do not try to deceive me."

"Is that an order?" Loki asks, his voice dangerously quiet. His eyes flick up to Thor's in challenge. He will answer if Thor demands him to, but he will not be pleased about it.

"Yes," Clint answers before Thor can. "It's an order. So 'fess up, prince of lies. What's gotten you all sad?"

Loki's meets Clint's gaze taking small comfort in the man's flinch. It's subtle and could be interpreted as a twitch, but Loki knows the ins and outs of this man's mind. He's terrified even if he doesn't want to show it, and Loki should feel regret, because he is the cause of that fear, but right now he's angry so there isn't a lot of room for regret.

Loki lets a smile curve his lips, one he knows isn't trust worthy and that will remind Clint of when Loki pressed the scepter to his chest. Loki studies his face for the twitch of his lips, the infinitesimal widening of his eyes. Oh yes, he can get under the agent's skin quite easily.

"I am supposed to be atoning for my crimes, but I do not know how," Loki says because he's certainly not going to say he's envious of their comradery. He knows from his days as a boy following Thor around, trying to join in Thor's fun that they'll only laugh at his wish. He knows he doesn't belong. They're soldiers, warriors, and Loki is a sorcerer.

"You could always walk little old ladies across the street," Tony suggests through a mouthful of potato. "Or rescue kittens from trees. Give the firefighters a break so they can do their real job." He smiles, too sardonic to be friendly.

"I see," Loki says, taking his napkin from his lap and placing it on the table next to his plate. He pushes his food towards Thor and gives Steve the barest of nods. "I thank you for your kindness."

"Wait," Tony says as Loki stands up. "Why are you leaving? We're joking around."

Loki's eyes snap to Tony's a hint of his old self in them. "Do not presume to lie to me. I have no need for your mockery or your fake companionship. I will not be upset if you do not invite me to dine with you, but do not request my presence and abuse me."

"Brother, they meant no offense," Thor says, his hand on Loki's wrist.

Loki stares at it until Thor removes his hand. "It is a testament to your faith in your friends that you believe the words you are speaking, but that does not make them true."

Loki leaves without further attempts to get him to stay, but instead of going up to his room he goes down to the ground floor. He decides to take a walk, to try and work off some of the energy building inside of him.

He steps into the view of the agent that tails him everywhere he goes, and he makes sure they can see him as he changes his appearance so they'll be able to continue to track him. Loki shortens his hair, makes it a lighter brown and runs a hand through it so it looks messy. He alters his clothing to make him appear Midgardian, and he starts on his walk, confident that no one will recognize him as Loki of Asgard.

* * *

He is not far from the Tower when he finds a small girl sitting on the side of the road, her knees pulled up to her chest and tears running down her face. Loki looks around but the streets are deserted, even the agent is nowhere to be seen; though, Loki knows he must be nearby. The street lamp closest to them flickers but the light stays on.

"Are you lost?" Loki asks crouching down next to her.

She looks up at him, wide eyed and scooches back. "My momma told me not to talk to strangers."

"Oh. Okay." Loki doesn't want to get in trouble with the human authorities so he decides to continue on his walk. He spots a tree struggling to grow next to the lamplight, and he walks over and puts his hands on the trunk. He chants his spell and the tree begins to swell beneath his hands and then it begins to blossom.

The little girl tugs on Loki's pants. "You saved the tree."

Loki jumps and he can't believe he'd been surprised by a small human child. "I did but I thought you weren't supposed to talk to me."

She shrugs. "You like trees. That means you can't be bad, right?"

"I'm very bad, I'm afraid," Loki says leaning back against the tree. "It's probably best if you leave me and find your mother."

The girl curls her arms around Loki's leg, and she only comes up to his thigh. She hides her face in the fabric of his pants. "She's dead, and I don't want to go back."

"Go back where?" Loki slowly reaches a hand down to touch her hair. She clutches his leg even tighter.

"To the orphanage. It's where I live, but I left because Zippy got away."

"Zippy?" Loki asks. He doesn't understand what an orphanage is, but he understands losing someone important to you. "Can I help you find him?"

"I know where he is," the girl says, "I just can't reach him."

She lets go of Loki's pants to grab his hand, and he is too shocked to move at first. She gives him a little tug and he follows her a few feet to another tree. She points up at the branches and Loki sees a small creature resting up there. It looks down at Loki, its green eyes blinking slowly and it makes a small pitiful sound.

"He's stuck," the girls tells him. "Can you get him? I don't want to go back without him."

"What's the orphanage?" Loki asks staring up at the branches. The creature is a little too high for him to reach. He looks down at the girl, contemplative.

"It's where the unwanted kids go," she says. "When we don't have mommas and poppas we live with all the other kids hoping that someone comes and asks us to live with them. Nobody wants me to live with them. But I have Zippy. Except when he runs away."

Loki looks down at her and the hard set of her jaw, the tears that have already dried on her face. He kneels down next to her and touches his hand to her cheek. "Then let's get Zippy back. You want to help me?"

She nods and he hoists her up onto his shoulders. She's tall enough that she can reach the creature, and once she has it, Loki places her back on the ground.

"We should return you to your home," Loki says.

She cuddles the creature to her chest, rubbing her cheek against its fur. "Orphanage. Not home." She frees up one hand to hold Loki's again. "I'll show you how to get there."

They walk in silence for a few steps before Loki's attention is drawn to the black creature squirming in her arm. She catches him looking and smiles. "Do you like cats?"

"I do not know. I have never seen a cat before tonight."

She stops abruptly. "You've never seen a cat? Where are you from? I thought they had cats everywhere."

"I am rather far from home," Loki says though that's not technically true. He no longer has a home so theoretically anywhere could be home. He could be home right now, but he doesn't like the grit and grime of the street so perhaps he'll find a better place to bestow the honor on.

"Well, you have to hold Zippy," the girl says transferring the animal to Loki. "He's very friendly."

Loki suddenly finds his arms full of a wily creature that tries to escape his grasp. He holds onto it and stares it down, using his mind to tell it to behave. It flicks its tail, irritated, and Loki frowns. Is he being defied by a Midgardian pet?

"He likes you," the girl says starting to walk again. "I like you too. I'm Rebecca, but because I like you, you can call me Becca."

"I'm William," Loki says, the lie sliding easily off his tongue. Besides, it's not entirely a lie. SHIELD had given him papers and documents that created a man named William Hiddleston for the times that Loki went out into Midgardian society, because he couldn't be himself since he was wanted for attempted invasion of the planet.

"I like the name William," Becca says. She reaches her hand up to hold Loki's free hand. His hand is much larger than hers, but her palm is warm where it presses against him.

"I like the name Becca." The cat makes a strange sound in the back of its throat and nuzzles Loki's cheek. Loki thinks he's just been approved of.

They stop in front of a building that is significantly smaller than Stark Tower though Loki is beginning to realize that human homes are not built like the Tower. It is full of windows, but each of them is dark, and the girl frowns when she twists the door handle and finds it locked.

"We're going to have to knock," she says and Loki notices the way she hesitates before her knuckles rap on the door, almost too soft to be heard.

Her hand is poised to knock again when Loki hears scuffling behind them. He turns to see a man running toward them.

"Rebecca? Rebecca, is that you?"

"Hello, Mr. Gordon." Becca hangs her head so she doesn't have to look him in the eye.

Mr. Gordon reaches them and doubles over, hands on his hips. "You gave me quite a scare, young lady. You know better than to leave the house without permission. And especially late at night. Something could've happened to you."

"Zippy escaped and I wanted to get him back," Becca says, holding her arms out for the cat.

Loki hands it over and Mr. Gordon appears to see him for the first time. He eyes Loki with suspicion.

"And who are you?"

"I am William."

"He helped me get Zippy down from a tree," Becca says. "And he walked me back so no one would hurt me. He's a very nice man."

Mr. Gordon's eyes narrow as he looks Loki over trying to figure out if he's a threat. "Well, thank you for bringing her back. You can go on your way now."

"Of course." Loki bows to him before touching the cat's head. "Good evening, Zippy. Good evening, Becca. Stay out of trouble." He bends down so he can look her in the eye. "And I want you to know that are a wonderful child no matter what the people who come to this building think of you."

"Were you an orphan?" Mr. Gordon asks eyeing Loki with new interest.

"I know what it's like to be unwanted," Loki answers, "and I am coming to learn that accepting yourself is more important than being accepted by others."

"Well, maybe you can stop by some afternoon to see the kids. They could use a positive role model in their lives."

Loki smiles at the thought of him being a positive role model for anyone.

Becca tugs on his pants to get his attention. "Please, come. You can see Zippy again. He would really like it."

"I am growing quite fond of cats," Loki says, a promise in the way he ruffles Becca's hair. He bows to Mr. Gordon one last time before heading back to the Tower.

He uses the Stark tablet Thor gave him to do a little research before bed. His research on orphanages is disheartening but convinces him that he will be returning to Mr. Gordon's Home for Children. His research into cats is more amusing.

When he reads that the progeny of cats are called kittens, and he realizes that he rescued one from a tree he laughs.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: There are spoilers for _King Lear_ in the last section. Also, thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far. I'm glad you're all enjoying the sequel.

* * *

Loki starts going to the orphanage three times a week. It is both an opportunity to get out of the Tower and to do something good. He's not sure, though, if he should count each visit as a separate action or if all of his visits count as one. For now, he counts it as one, because his atonement is not supposed to be easy.

He enjoys spending time with the children. Many of them are withdrawn, several have terrible tempers, but they all flourish under attention. He only wishes he could spend hours with each of them every time he visits. He had considered using clones to do just that, but the energy it would take to run several personalities at the same time would diminish the quality of the time he spent with the children.

To make up for the fact that there is only one of him, he tries to engage them in group activities. One of their favorite things to do is to take small plastic toys, Legos the children call them, and create worlds that are a mix of colored plastic and vivid imaginations.

Loki draws on his memories of home, of sunlit forests, rainbow bridges, and spired palaces, and they take their Lego people on epic adventures. They battle eskel in the Adalstein forest, wrestle sea serpents in the deep waters under the Bifrost, and successfully fend off coups that threaten to take the throne away from their Lego men.

"King Daniel has a proclamation," Daniel says, his Lego man getting up from the throne they've constructed out of yellow Legos. Daniel looks at Loki, Becca, Alexandra, and Justin to make sure they're all paying close attention. "We are going on a hunt."

"To Jotunheim?" Loki asks. The children enjoy adventures and battle and running around the room with their Legos but sometimes their imaginations need prompting. Or in Alexandra's case, reigning in. No matter what game they play, she insists on bringing in unicorns. Princess Alexandra had pet unicorns in the Adalstein forest that Prince Justin kept insisting on slaughtering. Loki had to ban Justin from playing with them until he stopped killing the unicorns because it made Alexandra cry.

"Why would we hunt on Jotunheim?" Daniel asks. "Ooh, do they have woolly mammoths there? Or saber toothed tigers? That could be fun."

Loki instructs his real form to Google woolly mammoths and saber toothed tigers. While he waits for the information to process he answers. "Jotunheim has frost giants. They're the sworn enemy of Asgard, remember?"

"I think the frost giants are nice," Becca says. She drapes herself over Loki's outstretched legs and works on making a spaceship that shield maiden Becca can fly. She wonders if she can put lasers on it.

"Nice?" Loki asks. "They're brutes."

"Probably because no one's ever been nice to them," Becca says. "And because they live on Jotunheim. I would be grumpy too if it was always cold. Maybe if someone gave them a nice house with a warm fire they'd be happier. Besides, you shouldn't judge people until you get to know them, and we haven't been to Jotunheim to visit the frost giants. We only have former-King Thor's word that frost giants are mean."

Becca pushes her hair behind her ears and works on building the wings for her spaceship. Loki shamelessly stares at the girl who has challenged everything he's thought about Jotunheim with an offhand comment. She doesn't even know it's real, he reminds himself. But does that matter? She wants to treat them with compassion, with understanding, like they're civilized people. Loki wonders if anyone in the history of Asgard has every treated the frost giants as anything but a race to be conquered.

"Maybe Thor's wrong," Justin says. "Jotunheim could be fun. If it's covered in ice then we could go sledding."

"And ice skating!" Alexandra adds.

"I change my proclamation," Daniel says. "Let's go to Jotunheim and play."

Loki is stunned, barely registering the facts on woolly mammoths and saber-toothed tigers that are filling his brain. They want to go to Jotunheim to play? The inhospitable ice realm?

Becca tugs on his sleeve. "Will you tell us more about Jotunheim? And the fun stuff this time."

"O-of course," Loki says. What could be fun about Jotunheim? They said something about sledding. He sets his other self to research sledding while he begins the tale of their journey to Jotunheim.

In five minutes they're sliding across the ice slick terrain of Jotunheim, and they're laughing. Even Loki finds himself cracking a smile, and he's not sure how to feel about that.

* * *

There have been no more meal invitations and aside from Thor's occasional attempt to spend time with Loki, Loki is left alone. He is reading in his closet when he hears the door to his room open. He goes very still, slowing his body's functions until they're almost too faint to be detected. He doesn't know who has invaded his privacy, but he can't help but think it to be a threat. He instructs the clone returning from Mr. Gordon's to hurry. The longer someone is in his room, the more likely they are to discover him hiding here.

His clone's steps slow as they approach the door, and he enters calmly as if he has no prior knowledge that someone is lurking in his room. He doesn't completely pull off ignorance, because he doesn't startle when the door slams shut behind him, and he sees Clint leaning against the door, blocking the main exit.

Loki understands the ambush. The man is proving that he can enter Loki's territory as easily as Loki had entered his mind. He wonders what the purpose of this visit is. To harm him? To threaten him? To kill him? He will not succeed if it is the latter, but Loki wouldn't put it past him to try.

"Are you waiting for me to be afraid?" Loki asks. "I do not intend to give you that pleasure."

"You've been afraid since we captured you at Stark Tower," Clint says. "You're not as good at hiding as you think you are."

"Why are you here?"

"You've been quiet for two weeks, but I don't trust you. I don't care what you have to do, what pride you have to suck up, but you aren't going to screw this up."

Loki raises an eyebrow. Of all the things he expected when he found Clint Barton in his personal quarters, this was not it. "You want me to succeed?"

Clint laughs. "Don't be an idiot. I don't want you to fail."

"They're the same thing," Loki points out.

"Look, you're supposed to be rehabilitating. If you were going to be under house arrest they would've kept you on Asgard. You have to start interacting with us and with other people."

Loki wonders how difficult these words are for him to say and why he even bothers. "You do not want me around, and I do not wish to impose."

"A little late for that," Clint says. "And like I said, I don't care about how you feel. You feel excluded? Tough shit. You're still showing up to dinner every night. This isn't about you. The only reason you have a second chance is because it would destroy Thor to lose you."

It always comes back to his brother. Loki knows he should be indebted to Thor for all he's done, but he can't help but be resentful. Thor is always there, willing, desperate to help, to get Loki out of his latest scrape, and how can Loki ever repay that? Every time he turns around, Thor is doing something for him and Loki is plunging deeper and deeper into debt. He knows that his life and mind have been spared for Thor's sake, and he doesn't know how to respond to that.

"You are telling me things I already know."

"I'm telling you again, because you need to hear it. Start spending more time with us. And don't screw up."

"What's it to you if I am killed?" Loki asks. "I thought you would want that." Perhaps this was an elaborate plan to draw Loki out and wind him up until he violates his probation. Loki doesn't think so, though. Clint isn't one for subterfuge when vengeance is involved. If he wanted Loki dead, he would do it himself.

"Don't pretend you don't know," Clint snarls.

Oh, Loki thinks, remembering the time he spent in Clint's mind. He doesn't know how he didn't see this earlier. Clint had killed his errant brother rather than let the authorities get ahold of him knowing the torture and imprisonment that awaited Barney. He's afraid Thor will have to experience the same pain of killing someone so close.

"Dinner's at six every night," Clint says before leaving.

Loki sits down on his bed, head in his hands.

* * *

Loki cautiously makes his ways down to the floor that the Avengers live on. He has a history of Asgard clutched in his arms as if that will protect him. He knows from his childhood that it only makes him more of a target, but he has nothing to entertain himself with but books.

Steve is in the living room when Loki gets there, bent over a desk, moving a pencil back and forth. He seems engrossed in whatever he's doing so Loki is quiet as he curls up in an arm chair, his lanky limbs dangling over the edges as he props his book on his stomach. He is searching the text for any hint of good in Jotunheim. He doesn't think he'll find any, but the children have made him curious.

Nothing can be completely devoid of good or why would it exist? If Jotunheim was so awful why hadn't Odin used the Bifrost to destroy it? There had to be something worth saving in that realm to allow its continued existence, and Loki is determined to find out what it is, because even after all the damage Jotunheim has caused, it still exists.

Loki swings his feet as he skims the pages.

He's starting a chapter on the history of kings when the book is plucked from his hands. He frowns up at Thor.

"What are you doing?"

"I wanted to see what you were reading," Thor says as if stealing people's books is completely natural.

For Thor, it is. Loki makes a grab for his book but Thor holds it easily out of reach.

"You could've asked," Loki says.

"Oh," Thor says as if that thought had never entered his mind. "Well, this looks boring. I have a better tome for you."

"I was enjoying that," Loki protests, but as always, he's ignored.

Thor leaves the room and Loki huffs, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Older brothers," Steve says looking up from his sketch. "They always think they know best."

"And they hardly do." Loki pauses as he realizes who he's talking to. He's surprised that one of the Avengers, besides his brother, is actually speaking to him and there's no hint of insult or threat in his voice. "I didn't realize you had a brother."

"I don't, but I had a friend who acted like one." Pain flashes across Steve's face at the thought of Bucky. "Always taking care of me, bailing me out of trouble, lecturing me to wait for him before getting into fights. As if I was going to let him get all the hits in."

"He sounds like he was a good friend."

"He was."

They're sitting in silence when Thor comes back into the room. Steve gives Loki a smile tinged with regret before going back to his drawing. Loki hopes he isn't about to end up with a book of war ballads. He's had enough of those on Asgard to last the rest of his lifetime.

Thor deposits a heavy book in Loki's lap, and Loki doesn't recognize it. He traces his finger over the title. _The Complete Works of Shakespeare._

"Is this a Midgardian tome?"

Thor nods, a pleased smile on his face, because he's managed to finally find something that Loki hasn't read first. "It has both plays and poems. I believe you will enjoy it. Especially _12th Night_. It is full of mischief and cross-dressing and good-natured fun."

Loki flips through the pages. It is a long text. It will certainly fill his time, but he does not trust his brother's taste in literature. "And my book? What have you done with it?"

Thor is disappointed Loki hasn't already fallen in love with Shakespeare. "What do you care for a book about Asgard? We're on Earth now. You should enjoy what this realm has to offer."

As much as it pains Loki to admit it, Thor has a point. Asgard is no longer home to him, and his exile sounds like it will last many years. He might as well acclimate himself as easily as possible to this world.

Loki opens the book to its Table of Contents. "This is the best Midgard has to offer?"

"Earth," Thor corrects. "I have heard some say that the Bard is the greatest in the English language, but there are those who disagree. Would you like to sample human literature? They have buildings dedicated to books here."

Loki can't help his laugh. "We had them on Asgard as well, brother. They were called libraries."

Thor doesn't let his brother's mockery dampen his joy. "They have those here, but they also have buildings full of books that you can buy. Anyone can possess books here. You can even purchase them and read them on your computer or tablet. It's fascinating."

He can purchase books for his tablet? Loki needs to find a way to acquire Midgardian currency. He wonders who he would ask about that. He supposes he could continue to use Thor's card, but he does not wish to further indebt himself to his brother.

"I can take you to the library and show you how to get a card," Steve offers. He's been trying not to eavesdrop while the brothers talk, but he couldn't help it. They sound so natural together, like they really are two brothers and not two people who had just been on opposite sides of a war. It gives him hope that maybe he'd made the right decision in urging Asgard to spare Loki from torture or death. He needs that hope, because if Loki relapses and hurts people, those injuries or deaths will be Steve's fault.

Loki is suspicious as he eyes the soldier. "You would?"

Steve shrugs. "I like the library. Tony says it's because I'm too old fashioned for ebooks, but there's something about the weight of an actual book in your hands." He shrugs again. "It's just an offer. You don't have to take me up on it."

Loki can feel Thor's eyes burning into the side of his head. It reminds him of the looks Frigga used to give him, silent orders to behave or be polite. "I will, thank you. When would you like to go?"

Loki matches Steve's smile even though he wants to roll his eyes, because he can feel Thor grinning and if he even thinks about patting Loki's head—

Thor pats his head.

In an instant, Loki has launched himself out of his chair and at his brother. "I am not a pet! You cannot train me with touches."

Thor laughs as Loki tackles him to the ground. It is easy to gather up Loki's wrists and hold them tight so Loki can't hit him. "Your hair is so soft and inviting, though. I meant no offense."

Loki doesn't believe him for one second, and he rips an arm free and rams his elbow into Thor's gut. Thor chokes on his laugh and suddenly he's completely serious. He throws Loki off of him, and Loki crashes into a wall, and he's pretty sure he's left a dent. Thor's fist is coming at him so Loki slides down the wall, and Thor punches the wall instead of Loki's face. That definitely left a dent.

Loki rolls out from underneath his brother and springs to his feet. Adrenaline is coursing through his body, and he's grinning even though he shouldn't be because he hates these brotherly tousles Thor is so fond of, but he's missed this.

"Hey!" Tony shouts and the two brothers freeze. "What the hell is going on?"

Tony looks like he's about to call a suit to him so Thor holds up his hands. "We're play fighting. No need to worry."

Tony looks at the hole in his wall and his mouth drops. "Play fighting?"

"It's fine," Steve says, alerting Tony to his presence. "I've been here the whole time. I was actually getting ready to give Thor a hand. I think Loki was going to kick his ass."

Thor looks furious at the mere suggestion. Loki grins.

"Next time you decide to be brotherly, do it somewhere where you won't break my Tower," Tony says. "I've had to do enough renovations because of Loki. And Bruce says dinner is ready."

Tony shakes his head as he heads back into the kitchen. Loki picks up the discarded book and ducks as Thor tries to tousle his hair, again. The man never learns. Loki whacks his shoulder with Shakespeare for good measure. Steve's soft chuckle follows him into the kitchen.

* * *

_I love you, you love me_

_We're one happy family_

Loki wants to claw his ears out. He doesn't understand the appeal of this large purple costumed human. Apparently it is a dinosaur which he has his real self researching for him. Regardless, this song is horrid.

Justin starts throwing Legos at the TV screen apparently agreeing with Loki's assessment. They bounce harmlessly off but it sparks a fight between him and Caleb and then Alexandra starts crying, and soon the room has degenerated into chaos.

Mr. Gordon and two aides sweep in and in a matter of minutes, Loki finds himself sitting in the corner with Justin. Justin is in a chair facing the corner, and this is referred to as time-out, and it reminds Loki of the many of the public punishments he was forced to endure as a child.

Thor was always sent to his quarters as punishment, because boredom and being cut off from other people were almost more than Thor could stand, but being sent to his room wasn't a punishment for Loki. Instead, he was put high up on a chair where everyone could see him when they passed through the courtyard. They would stare and point and giggle and gossip over what he had done to get in trouble this time.

"I hate Barney," Justin says. He pulls his feet up onto the chair and rests his chin on his knees. "He's stupid. Family's stupid. Love's stupid."

Loki doesn't have an answer for that. How does he explain to these kids, who want a family, who want to belong more than anything, that he threw his away? How does he say that yes, family is important when he's holding Thor at arm's length? Loki has been spending more time with the Avengers, but he doesn't know how to act around Thor. He smiles when they fall into familiar patterns, but a look from Clint or Natasha reminds him that things aren't as they once were. Thor and Loki should be enemies, only Thor doesn't want that. Loki owes his brother so much, he doesn't understand how Thor can stand to look at him let alone smile at him.

"Love's not stupid," Alexandra says coming over. She plops down on the floor next to Loki, and she worms herself under his arm. "You don't think love is stupid do you?"

"I don't know what love is," Loki says because that is true. Thor claims to love him, but Loki doesn't understand how. And Thor wants Loki to love him in return, and Loki doesn't understand that either.

"Pastor Jim says that love is being forgiven when you don't deserve it," Alexandra says. She rests her head against Loki's chest. "One day we'll have families that love us."

Loki already has one. Or at least part of one. He knows Thor loves him, and he likes to think Frigga does. He doesn't know about Odin. He has never understood the Allfather, and he doubts he ever will.

Loki had been devastated when he learned that he was a frost giant, that his parents were not truly his parents, that the god of lies had been deceived by the greatest lie of them all. He had yelled at Odin, accidently put him into the Odin sleep, and Loki didn't want him to die thinking that Loki hated him. So Loki killed Laufey where Odin could see. He killed his biological father, his false father, to prove to Odin that Loki saw Odin as his true father. It was why he aimed the Bifrost at Jotunheim. He needed to prove that he saw himself as Asgardian, and all his life he was taught that Asgardians hated the frost giants.

He will never forget the disappointment on Odin's face when he said, "no Loki". He had expected praise, acknowledgement, for Odin to finally be proud of him. Instead, he was upset, and Loki had been so shocked his hand let go. He doesn't like to think about what happened afterward.

"You're sad," Alexandra says, climbing into his lap. Her small fingers brush aside tears Loki hadn't realized were falling. "Why are you sad?"

"I fought with my brother," Loki says, wrapping his arms around Alexandra, hugging her tight. "and my parents."

"They'll forgive you. That's what family does. But you have to forgive them too."

He has to forgive them? For lying to him? For kidnapping him? For forcing him to grow up in Thor's shadow? How can he? Yet, he had not thought it was possible for Thor to forgive him for trying to kill him—several times—or for trying to take over Midgard, and he's appeared to have done that. So much of Loki's pain could have been avoided if he'd forgiven them straight away. He never would have felt the need to lash out at Midgard, to try and conquer it to prove that while he was not heir to Asgard, he could still rule.

He doesn't want to let go of the pain he's been carrying around. It is his only justification for all that he has done. But holding onto this resentment has only made his situation worse. Perhaps it is best to let it go after all.

"Can I get up yet?" Justin asks breaking into Loki's thoughts.

* * *

Loki wants to finish _King Lear_ in the privacy of his room. Unlike the other plays he's been reading, this one affects him the most, and he doesn't wish the Avengers to see him emotionally affected by a piece of literature.

An aging father who is trying to determine how to divide his kingdom up between his children? Loki cannot help but read into it; though, Odin would never be so foolish as to split up his kingdom. For all Thor and Loki dreamed about ruling Asgard together, Loki had always known there could only be one king. Division only caused weakness, and no king would willingly weaken his realm.

King Lear scorns the love offered by Cordelia, his truest daughter, and Loki can't help but feel a small bit of satisfaction at King Lear's guilt as he realizes his mistake.

A knock at his door startles him, but he recognizes the heavy pound of the fist. He doesn't set his book aside. "You may enter."

Thor comes in and he grins when he sees Loki reclining on his bed, book propped up on his knees. "You are enjoying Shakespeare?"

"I am, though I feel for Cordelia. She should not have had to die. All she wanted to was to protect her father."

"She led an invasion into her sisters' territory," Thor says. "Cordelia saw her actions as honorable but others saw them as a threat."

Loki shuts his book. "You are correct as always, brother." Loki motions to the empty space beside him. "Are you going to join me or have you come to deliver news to me?"

Thor's smile is hesitant and he eases onto the bed. "You have been avoiding me these past days. I came to see if I had done wrong. Did I hurt you when we wrestled?"

"No, nothing like that." Loki stretches his limbs out. "I have been struggling to understand our relationship now."

Thor's hand is heavy and warm on Loki's shoulder. "You are my brother. You always have been, and there is nothing you can do to change that."

Loki can feel a familiar ache in his chest. His hand covers Thor's, holding it in place. "I am learning to accept that."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I realize there's been a bit of confusion, and I'll try to clear it up in the story, because it becomes important later, but when Loki creates clones he splits his consciousness between them so his real self in the closet can research information and his clones will know it, and his clones can learn things and Loki's real self will learn it at the same time. Minor spoilers for _Hamlet_. I swear I'll leave at least one play unsummarized by the end of this series.

* * *

"You do not have to do this," Loki says.

Steve's only response is to shove his hands in his pockets and head towards the stairs. Usually he takes the elevator, because he's in too much of a rush to go down all 27 flights, but his schedule is cleared today. All he's doing is going to the library with Loki and training so he's going to take the stairs.

"Do you feel obligated as team leader to set the example towards me?" Loki asks as he catches up to Steve.

"Not everything has an ulterior motive," Steve says with a smile.

That is clearly a lie, Loki thinks as they start down the stairs, but he can sense no deception in the man in front of him. He finds himself wishing for the company of Clint or Tony. They are hostile towards him, but he understands why they act the way they do and the predictability is comforting even if their actions aren't.

"I guess that's not true," Steve says and Loki feels a twinge of satisfaction. "I have been hankering for a good book lately."

Wait, that was his ulterior motive? He wanted to look for a book of his own? Loki laughs, because he's not sure what else to do. "Perhaps you are endeavoring to set the example for me then. I'm afraid I'll never achieve your level of virtue."

Steve makes a face which isn't what Loki had been expecting. A slight blush at the praise, maybe an attempt to laugh off the compliment because Steve is one of the most humble people Loki has encountered, or maybe even a lecture on how to be a better person. The face is unexpected, and Loki doesn't like that Steve Rogers is unpredictable. It's harder to be in control when you don't know what your opponent's reaction is going to be.

"Don't tell me you've been taken in with all that crap," Steve says.

He sounds disappointed, and Loki's used to that emotion being leveled at him, but he doesn't know what he's done to deserve it at the moment.

"I'm not perfect," Steve says and there's force behind his words. "Far from it."

"You're Captain America," Loki points out, in case Steve had forgotten.

"No, I'm Steve Rogers. I'm a kid from Brooklyn who wanted to join the army. I'm human but no one in this century seems to realize that. I was a soldier fighting for my country, and they turned me into a hero when I went under. There were movies and comic books and they built the pedestal higher and higher, and then one day, they found me alive."

Steve laughs and rubs the back of his neck. "It's weird, but I'm struggling to live up to the ideal of Captain America. I'm supposed to be this guy, but I'm not, no matter how hard I try, and how's that for messed up? I woke up, and I'm not even familiar to myself. I'm supposed to be the paragon of patriotism, the epitome of virtue. Right. Because that's realistic."

Loki's unsure of how to respond to this confession. Is he supposed to offer support? Loki doesn't offer support. It's not in his nature.

"I'm sorry," Steve says and Loki's sure he's sorry because he's admitted weakness in front of the enemy. "You didn't want to listen to me whine about my life. I'll shut up for the rest of the trip. Promise."

Loki is quickly learning that Steve is full of surprises. "I'd much rather hear about your life than reflect on mine; though, perhaps we could speak of something more pleasant. I do not wish this to be a negative experience for you."

"Uh, right, okay," Steve says. "Um, good things in my life. The Avengers? My shield? Being alive? Most of the time anyways." Steve laughs but it's bitter. "I'm sorry. That's not exactly what you wanted to hear. Uh, you want war stories?"

"You don't need to try and make conversation. I apologize for burdening you." Loki starts taking the steps faster so Steve has to speed up to keep up with him.

"Woah," Steve says chasing him down the stairs. "You're not burdening me, and there's no need to sprint and—hey!"

When Loki hits the bottom floor his appearance suddenly changes. He loses the long black locks for shorter brown curls, and his face grows less pale and somehow less long. It makes him look approachable, and his brown eyes fill with warmth.

A smile tugs at Loki's lips when he sees the surprise on Steve's face. He holds out an ID. "SHIELD set me up with a human persona to use. You may call me Tom." It's not a lie, but it's stretching the truth. SHIELD had created William Hiddleston, and Loki created Tom Hiddleston, William's brother, because Loki wants to keep his orphanage persona separate from the rest of his life.

"Tom?" Steve reaches out to look at the ID. Tom Hiddleston from Concord, Mass.

"They were going to make me from England but thought that would make me stand out too much. Loki shrugs. "Are you ready for the library?"

Steve grins. "The real question is, are you?"

* * *

Loki holes up in his room after the trip to the library. He's never seen as many books in his life as he had in the library Steve took him to, and that building didn't even house a fraction of the books that exist in this realm. And it isn't just the volume of books, it's the variety that fascinate him. There are books that depict truth, record histories and events and even the lives of ordinary people which he finds absolutely fascinating. There are also books that tell fiction and those tales vary from amusing attempts to display the truth about the supernatural to adventures in space.

He is particularly amused by this series called Star Trek, and it's take on space and other planets. Steve tells him that there's an entire TV series, several series that these books are based on, and Loki is intrigued. He might try looking for this TV series when he has some time.

"Brother!" Thor pounds on Loki's door. "Brother, are you ready for our outing?"

Loki drops his head back against the wall. He'd forgotten all about the arrangements he made with Thor. Thor has been insistent lately that they spend more time together and that Loki starts donning Midgardian apparel. Thor has managed to take both and combine them into one activity; though, Thor has always been blessed with the gift of multitasking.

"I am ready," Loki says putting his book aside. He's been good at wearing Migardian garments to the orphanage and on his walks, but Thor claims they are not the finest of clothing, and he wants to take Loki to find formal attire even though Loki has no need for such clothing.

"You will enjoy this," Thor promises as he opens the door. He frowns at the plain jeans and plaid button up Loki is wearing, especially at the button-up. "You have been taking fashion advice from Steve? He has been sleeping through all the major fashion revolutions."

Loki can't help quirking an eyebrow. "You're an expert on Midgardian fashion?" Loki laughs. "Of course, you are. Anything as pretentious as a cape for you to wear?"

"No need to be cruel, brother," Thor says though there is a smile lurking in the depths of his eyes. "Come, I have arranged for transportation to Men's Wearhouse. We are going to get you properly outfitted today."

Loki sweeps out an arm. "Lead the way, dear brother."

Thor smiles because there is a hint of affection in the way Loki has addressed him, but the smile dies as Loki's form shifts, giving way to a male with short brown curls, and a smile that is not quite Loki.

"I can't go out looking like the god who tried to subjugate the planet, now can I?" Loki asks striding past Thor like this is no big deal. "By the way, you will refer to me as Tom."

"I will refer to you?" Thor sputters as he chases after his brother. He hates it when Loki makes offhand comments like this as if he expects Thor to obey simply because the words have come from Loki's mouth.

Loki grins and flashes a form of identification that Thor recognizes as a driver's license. "Tom Hiddleston, pleasure to meet you."

"You have a driver's license?" Thor demands, snatching Loki's wallet from him. "How is this? They will not grant me one of these."

"Probably because you're a menace to society on horseback, and cars are much more dangerous. Besides, it's not like I actually make use of it to drive. Why bother when I can teleport?"

Thor wants to question if that is an improper use of magic, but he is afraid to spoil the outing by referencing Loki's punishment so instead he hands the wallet back. "We shall take driving lessons together. I am determined to figure this realm out."

"What kind of car will you fit in? Wait, don't answer that, I'm not encouraging you. Would you like to tell me the location of our destination so I can teleport us?"

"No, we will be taking the subway. Now come, our adventure awaits."

* * *

Loki doesn't hate the subway, he actually rather enjoys the speed with which it moves even if the smell is unpleasant, but he fights his smile, because he doesn't want to deal with Thor being smug.

"We will have to try subway surfing on the ride back," Thor says as they emerge from the underground tunnel. "Not where we actual ride on the outside of the subway, because that apparently is dangerous and sets a poor example for humans that are more fragile than us, but the one where you stand and do not hold onto the railing."

Loki feels bad for whichever human had to give Thor a lecture on riding the subway properly; though, now that Thor's mentioned it, Loki would like to try riding on the subway instead of in it. Perhaps clinging to the top. These trains could probably travel faster than horses.

"I would like to try it," Loki says. "On the roof of the subway. We could spar, no weapons or even take passes with blunted swords, see who tumbles off the edge first."

There is a reckless gleam in Loki's eyes that Thor has missed. It is a look they exchanged many times during childhood, and it never ceased to lead to great fun and then discipline. That look had led to attempts to domesticate an eskel, to standing rather than sitting on their mounts, to playing chase on the spires of the palace. Loki always had an advantage in these games, because he could vanish if he was about to get trampled by a wild animal or fall and hurt himself; though, he never abandoned Thor if Thor was in trouble.

"I am responsible now," Thor says. "We will have to find another way to amuse ourselves."

"Boring," Loki corrects. "The word you're looking for is boring."

"Boring?" Thor asks as they enter the store. "I am not boring. I am full of adventure and fun and a good time. You know that."

Loki tries to hide his grin as suddenly they attract the attention of most of the store. Thor has never been good at keeping his voice down, and his words were rather suggestive when taken out of context as these Midgardians obviously had.

"A good time, eh?" a salesman asks slinking up to them. He looks from Thor's crisp black trousers and red button up to Loki's jeans and grins. "You here looking for clothes appropriate for," he coughs, "a good time?"

Loki smirks and wraps his arms around one of Thor's arms and leans in close to his brother. "We certainly are," he drawls, implication heavy in his tone.

Thor frowns down at Loki, because his brother has a look of mischief about him; though, Thor has no idea how he has already managed to find a way to cause trouble. "We are looking for suitable clothes for a man of his," Thor remembers at the last minute not to say ranking, "stature."

"Stature?" the salesman repeats. He looks between the two men again and shrugs. "Whatever you want to call it is fine with me. This is New York City, no one's going to judge you."

"Judge me?" Thor asks even as he and Loki follow the man toward a different section of the store. "Why am I being judged?"

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it," Loki says and he pulls the hair band out of Thor's hair, "and stop doing that with your hair. You know I like it flowing around your shoulders."

He bats his eyelashes in a manner obvious enough that even Thor has to be able to figure out what he's doing. He isn't disappointed. Thor jerks back and knocks over a rack of trousers.

"What the Hel are you playing at?" Thor demands. He brushes out the wrinkles in his sleeve. "You—"

Loki laughs, cutting off Thor's angry response. "Come now, brother, I'm just looking to have a little fun. You try and salvage your reputation, I'm going to look around. I don't need help dressing myself."

He leaves Thor, beet red, and standing beside a very confused salesman and heads straight to the vests. There is a large portrait of a man wearing one of these vests, a jacket slung casually over his shoulder, and Loki believes these will fit him quite nicely. They will emphasize his slender torso, make him appear to look taller, yes, these will do quite nicely.

Loki puts an outfit together while Thor is making excuses for his socially inappropriate brother and chuckles to himself as he steps out of the dressing room. His hands are shoved in the pockets of his black trousers, and the matching black vest looks as flattering on his figure as he had anticipated it would be. Thor is not the only one with a taste for high fashion; though, Loki's tastes are not nearly as flashy as Thor's. There is something to be said for subtle charm.

"You like?" Loki asks, claiming his brother's attention.

Thor turns to see Loki leaning against the wall like he is one of the models the store uses to sell its products. He has one leg straight out in front of him, one bent slightly at the knee, and there is a smirk tugging at his lips as if he knows the outfit looks good on him.

Thor does not wish to give Loki the satisfaction of approving so he frowns at the rolled up sleeves. "You will wrinkle your clothing that way."

Loki shrugs. "I just won't unroll them then. No one will notice."

"Wow," the salesman says looking Loki over. "Have you ever considered modeling? You pull that off incredibly well."

"No," Thor says. "He has not considered it nor will he."

"You should," a passing woman says, a suit for her husband draped over one of her arms. "Your ass looks fantastic. It should be up on billboards all around this city."

Loki grins, looking positively delighted. "I would enjoy modeling. How do I sign up?"

* * *

Loki thinks that Thor is completely overreacting over this modeling business. Loki needs funds because he doesn't want to rely on Thor for acquiring things he wants like more clothing, especially scarves. Thor claims the items have no purpose, but Loki is enamored of them. Anyways, the job is simple, requires barely any effort to send a clone to pose and take pictures, and Loki receives a respectable amount of money for doing so.

It appears as if Thor has tattled on him, because Loki has been summoned to SHIELD for a meeting with Agent Coulson and Director Fury regarding his current activities, and Loki has done nothing new lately besides entering into a profession.

He knocks on the meeting room door even though it's already open, because he remembers the manners his mother taught him, and figures this is a good time to be on his best behavior.

Fury waves him in. "Shut the door behind you."

Loki does as he's told and sits down across from Coulson and Fury. Neither of them look pleased to see him, but he's never seen them look anything but displeased so he's not too worried.

"You've been busy lately," Coulson says. "We've been tracking both William and Tom's activity, and I have to say, I didn't peg you as the model type though I should've. You've always been vain."

Loki shrugs. "The opportunity presented itself, and I saw no need to decline. In fact, I thought it would be prudent to have a source of income."

"What for? We've provided you with everything you need; food, shelter, hell, Rogers even got you a library card."

"I've always been fond of libraries," Loki says. "You've called me here to ask about my new occupation?"

"We're keeping track of your movements," Fury says. "You can forgive us for not trusting your intentions on our planet."

"Perhaps, but I don't understand your mistrust." Loki allows himself a brief moment of amusement at the humans' confusion. "My options have been made clear to me. Play nice or die. I'm no longer a threat to your realm."

Fury puts his elbows on the table and leans forward. He stares in Loki's eyes for a long moment before speaking. "I don't believe you completely, but I believe that at the moment you're too concerned with your own hide to cause trouble. Though, to be clear, no more new identities. I don't know what you decided to make up one of your own, but that's not allowed. We'll permit you to keep Tom, but don't make anymore."

Loki nods.

"So, why the job?" Fury asks.

Loki wants to get out of here as fast as possible so he settles for telling the truth. "Like I said, I enjoy having an income. Besides, I'm supposed to be learning how to be normal. This is normal, correct? Working?"

"You're being punished," Coulson reminds him. "You're not supposed to be enjoying yourself. Though, maybe you're not." Coulson pulls out two pictures and places them in front of Loki. One of them is of Loki entering the orphanage, another is him at a fashion shoot. They're both time marked for the same date and time. "You send a mindless drone to take pictures while you place nice with the kids? Or is it the other way around?"

Loki's body tenses, afraid for the first time since he's stepped into this room, but it doesn't take him long to relax again. If they had intended to punish him for using his magic in this way then they would've done it already.

"You have obviously been tracking my activities," Loki says. "You know the real reason I wish to work."

"Right," Coulson says. He pulls out a stack of papers that have been paper-clipped together. "You've been making donations to the orphanage."

"The kids have each gotten their halves of their room repainted," Loki says. Alexandra had pink unicorns stenciled over purple walls. "They're happier because of it."

Coulson slowly exhales. "You've become a model so that you can help children." He shakes his head. "Hard to believe that a couple months ago you were trying to rule this world."

"Odin told Thor and me that we were both born to be kings. When Thor returned, I knew I could not have Asgard so I thought I would settle for Midgard." Loki shrugs. "Odin has lied to me about many things, apparently that was one of them. I'm not destined to rule, and I'm making peace with that."

"I thought you were the Father of Lies?" Coulson asks. "Isn't it embarrassing that you were lied to so convincingly?"

Loki smiles but it's sad. "The most powerful lies are the ones that we wish to hear, because then we never think to doubt them. If you're finished with your questions, I would like to return to the Tower."

"Of course," Coulson says. "I would recommend you read _Hamlet _next. It's all about a prince who has his crown stolen from him and ends up going insane trying to get his revenge." Coulson smiles. "I think you'll find Hamlet a relatable character."

Loki gives a stiff nod and walks out.

* * *

Loki almost makes it out of SHIELD without an incident. Originally he was going to teleport out, but he doesn't want to test his luck with those who hold his life in their hands so he decides to walk out, and as he's crossing the lobby he runs into a young woman.

He recognizes her right away, Darcy the assistant that Thor's mortal took on, and he's hoping to walk by her without an incident, but she recognizes him right away, and she steps in front of his path and jams a finger into his chest.

"I know you," she says.

"And here I thought modern humans no longer worshipped the Norse gods."

Darcy's eyes narrow. "Don't be a smart ass. I tased your brother."

"We're not actually brothers," Loki tells her. I'm not sure if you'd heard that news. Sometimes it takes a long time for information to pass from Asgard to Midgard."

"Oh, I knew before I was told. You don't deserve a brother like Thor, and no one as pathetic as you could ever be related to him. I'm surprised you didn't figure it out earlier."

So much anger in such a small form, Loki thinks. "You seem quite unhappy with me, Miss Lewis. Would you like to tase me? Is that what this is about?"

She steps closer to him until her chest is pressed against his and she leans up to whisper near his ear. "This is about you trying to kill Thor. This is about you trying to take over my planet. This is about you screwing with Erik Selvig's head. So no, I don't want to tase you, I want to kill you."

Loki smiles as he takes a step back and opens his arms in a 'come at me' gesture. I'm afraid my brother has that eventual honor, but I can make a clone for you to exterminate if that would please you."

"You're going to screw up," Darcy tells him. "It's in your nature. You're evil, and you're going to cross the line, and I hope it's while I'm still alive so I can see you finally get what you deserve."

Loki smiles even as he feels his heart trembling inside his chest. "Have a good day, Miss Lewis."

He strides past her and tries to push her accusations out of his mind. He knows he's screwed up, multiple times, more times than he should be forgiven for, but he's not evil. Mischievous, Frigga used to say with a fond smile. Troublemaker, Odin would say, his smile less fond. But never evil. He can change. He's going to change. He has to if he wants to live, but it's more than that. He wants to change.

He wants to prove that it isn't in his nature to be evil or wrong, because that would imply that there's something inherently wrong with frost giants, that not even the warmth of Asgard could melt a frost giant's heart. That's not true. Loki knows how to love, and he knows how to feel, even things such as compassion and empathy. He will prove to Midgard, and Asgard, that he is more than what they expect of him.

* * *

Loki has a clone at a Calvin Klein photo shoot and another at the orphanage, and it isn't too much for him, but it's more of a strain than it should be. He blames it on the lack of sleep he's getting and that he has to keep up the illusion of a clone even while he attempts to rest. He had thought he'd be able to hold up this ruse indefinitely. It appears as if he's not as strong as he'd thought.

He rubs at his eyes, grateful for the darkness under the blankets. He's helped create what the kids call a blanket fort, draping blankets and comforters and sheets over chairs and couches and other objects to create a dark, stifling room.

They're all crammed in the fort together and a bit of light filters in, dyed blue from the sheet that serves as their door. Alexandra is curled up next to him with her unicorn doll, a present from an unnamed benefactor that has everyone at the orphanage puzzled.

On the other side of the fort, Becca is sitting with a flashlight and book propped on her lab. Loki forgets what she's reading about right now, something about a kid named Percy and a lightning thief? Loki's considering reading it so he can recommend it to Thor. How could he not when there's a character who steals lightning?

He sees the shadow moving on the outside of the fort, but he doesn't think anything of it. And then it reaches out and grabs Becca, and she starts shrieking and flailing, and she pulls the blankets down on top of them all.

By the time Loki gets them out of the blanket mess, Justin is in time-out in the corner, and Becca is a sobbing mess in Loki's arms. They're sitting in an unoccupied corner of the room, and Loki traces soothing circles on her back.

"It's okay," he says. "I'm here. There's no reason to be scared anymore."

Becca curls further into his arms, and she's so light and fragile in his arms. He's afraid if he holds her too tight he'll break her.

"He did it on purpose," Becca says as her tears soak through Loki's plain cotton t-shirt. "He knows that I get scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Monsters," Becca whispers as if by saying the word too loud she could accidently conjure them.

"Monsters?" Loki repeats. "What kind?" There are a lot of different monsters, but Loki doesn't think telling her that will comfort her any. He's not sure how he's going to comfort her, because he's one of those monsters, and he's responsible for the existence of several more.

Becca slowly lifts her head and looks around cautiously. There are no closets or cupboards or bureaus near them, and William's arms make her feel safe. She leans up so she can whisper in his ear. "The Bogeyman."

"The Bogeyman?" Loki asks, his real self already researching the creature.

Becca nods. "He usually hides in my closet, and I can hear him rattling around in there, but sometimes he hides under my bed, and that's the worst, because I'm afraid he's going to reach up and grab me, and I get so scared I can't sleep, but the more I stay awake the more scared I get."

She burrows her head into his shoulder again, and her small frame shakes as she cries. Loki pats her back as his brain is filled with information on the Bogeyman. Wikipedia rattles off names, and he pauses when he reads Bøhmand, because that name is all too familiar to him.

"Oh," he says his hand pausing on Becca's back as a sharp pain twists in his chest. He remembers Bøhmand as a baby, with his gnarled fingers already growing claws and sharp teeth where harmless gums were supposed to be. Bøhmand had ripped his way out of Loki's stomach long before he was due to be born, and he had been taken away before Loki had recovered from the birth.

Like with all of his lost children, Loki followed their lives, though from a distance. He wasn't permitted to approach the children he birthed, the monsters as Odin labeled them. Loki refuses to believe that they were monsters from birth. He believes that they're monsters now, because they were forced to grow up alone, without their mother's love, without the familiarity of a home, and without discipline to teach them right and wrong.

"There's no need to be scared of the Bogeyman," Loki says, petting Becca's hair now. She's sniffling but her tears have appeared to have stopped. "He's lonely."

"Lonely?" Becca asks, tilting her head up so she can look at him. "Mr. Gordon says he takes away naughty children. I've tried to be good."

"No, it's not like that at all. I know a lot about the Bogeyman. Do you want me to tell you about him?"

"I know about him," Becca says. "He's tall and wears a long black coat and he has claws and he'll grab your ankle and drag you under the bed if you're not a good girl."

"He won't drag you under the bed," Loki tells her. "He does try to scare you, but it's because he's lonely and sad."

"I don't understand," Becca says though she looks interested, and she wipes away the last of her tears. "Why?"

Loki sighs and shifts so they're arranged more comfortably. "The Bogeyman was born just like you. He had a mother and a father, but he never got to see them. He was born and taken away from his mother before she could even hold him."

"So he's like me," Becca says. "He's all alone. But I'm not mean to people. Why is he mean to people?"

"He's not as good as you are. He's a scared little boy who grew up without anyone to love him or take care of him, and he wants everyone to be as scared as he is."

"Oh." Becca looks contemplative for a moment. "Does he like cookies? Maybe if I become his friend, he won't have to scare people anymore."

"He'd probably like cookies," Loki says. He wishes he could reach out to his child, explain everything to him, but he doesn't want to risk Odin's wrath. He can't screw this up. He can't make Thor act as executioner. "Could you do something else for me?"

Becca smiles up at him, bright white teeth and eyes that are now devoid of fear. "Of course."

"Tell him," Loki's hand pauses as it combs through her hair. "Tell him that his mother loves him, and that she's sorry she can't see him. Can you do that?"

Becca frowns suspiciously. "Is that a lie? I won't lie to him."

Loki smiles in wonder, because she's already fiercely loyal to a creature she had been terrified only moments ago. "It's not a lie. Remember, I know a lot about him. Did you know that his real name is Bøhmand?"

"Will you tell me more about him?" Becca asks.

Loki smiles and hugs her tight before beginning to tell her about the forbidden love between a god walking the earth as a mortal and a troll that hid in the mountains of Denmark. He tells her about the woman who only wanted to have a child to call her own. He tells Becca that this woman had many children as she roamed the earth, but her father took each away as soon as they were born, claiming that they were monsters and that the woman wasn't fit for motherhood.

He talks until there are tears rolling slowly down his cheeks, and Becca reaches up to wipe them away with small fingers.


	4. Chapter 4

"Here you go," Loki says, bending down to hand Alexandra her unicorn. "If you ever need anything, my card is folded up in his heart. Call me and I'll help you. I promise."

Loki turns the unicorn over so she can see the new stitching on its belly. Alexandra smiles and gives him a giant hug.

"I'm getting everything I need," she says, squeezing him as hard as she can manage. "I'm getting a family."

She lets go to run over to Mr. and Mrs. Parkhurst, the family that's decided to adopt her. Loki smiles and follows her over to them. He doesn't like the air around them. He doesn't like the skittish look in Mrs. Parkhursts's eyes, the way she glances at her husband every few seconds as if she's looking for approval, and he doesn't like the hand Mr. Parkhurst puts on Alexandra's shoulder. It's heavy, controlling, but Alexandra is smiling like she's having every dream come true so he tries to push his doubts away.

"I'll send you cards," Loki promises, giving Alexandra a smile. "You can send me back pictures. Let me know what kind of adventures Mr. Sparkly is going on."

Alexandra smiles and clutches her unicorn even tighter.

Mr. Parkhurst's hand closes tighter around Alexandra's shoulder. "I'd rather you didn't do that. I appreciate everything you're doing for the children here, but the transition to a permanent home is very important. Certainly you understand that."

Loki's smile is forced and he reminds himself that he isn't allowed to attack humans no matter how oily their voices sound.

"It's okay," Alexandra says. "He can send me letters. He tells good stories. You and mommy can read them to me."

Mr. Parkhurst turns Alexandra to face him. "Your mommy and I are going to tell you stories now. You don't need him. All you need is us."

"Oh," Alexandra says. "Okay. Can we go home now? I want to see him room. Do my walls have unicorns?"

Loki watches them walk away, unable to shake the unease in his stomach.

* * *

Loki's head bobs, falls forward, and he barely catches himself before he lands face first in his bowl of Raisin Bran. He rubs his eyes and tries to force the exhaustion out of his mind. He has a lot to do today. He has a fashion shoot for Calvin Klein, and he had wanted to go to the library to return his books and select new ones. Perhaps he'll wait on going to the library. He doesn't feel like moving more than necessary, and if he only sticks to one clone then he won't expand as much energy.

"Brother, you are not well," Thor says. "What plagues you?"

Loki looks up to see all the Avengers staring at him. Oh right, communal meals. He misses the days where he was allowed to stay hidden in his room. He hates Clint's rule about interacting, and Steve's smiles and efforts to integrate him into daily life in the tower. Loki is safer when he's by himself. He can't screw up if there's no one else around.

"I am fine," Loki says and takes a bite of soggy flakes to prove it.

"You are not," Thor insists "Show me your true face."

Loki raises his eyebrows. "Pardon?"

Thor's eyebrows pull together and his mouth hardens into his 'I am the Prince of Asgard and you will obey me' look. "You are using magic to hide your appearance. I would have you show me why."

Loki looks around the table for help. Tony, deciding a brotherly spat wasn't interesting is back to downing coffee and flipping through the Science section of the Times on his tablet. Bruce is poking sullenly at his eggs, clearly having his own personal crisis. Natasha reached for her knife at the first mention of magic, and Clint's staring Loki down as if to say 'you better damn well listen to your brother'.

Steve has put down the hard copy of the New York Times to look at Loki with concern, and Loki knows when he's outnumbered. He sighs and drops his glamour. Steve draws in a sharp gasp which gets Tony's attention, and he gives a slow whistle.

"You look like shit."

Loki shrugs because it's a statement of fact. He knows what he looks like. His skin is tinged gray, his eyes have sunk into his skull, his lips are paler than he should be. He looks like the walking dead, and it's not a good look for him.

"Are you satisfied?" Loki asks, looking at Thor, daring him to flinch at the sight of Loki's face. "May I put my concealer back on?"

"What has done this to you?" Thor demands. "I will destroy it."

"No one has done this to me," Loki says, resisting the urge to rub at his eyes. He doesn't need Thor to swoop in and save him again. "I haven't been sleeping well is all."

"Do you need a new bed?" Steve asks. "Are you not used to the blankets? We can't get you fur, but we can try to find you something similar."

"Hey," Tony protests. "There's nothing wrong with Loki's bed or his blankets. Everyone else manages just fine on them. In fact, I've slept incredibly well lately on them."

Steve lets his attention be directed away from Loki. "You're no longer having nightmares?"

Tony shakes his head. "Nope. Not a single visit to Afghanistan in my sleep for several weeks now."

"Not a single one?" Steve asks. He frowns. "That's odd. I've stopped having nightmares as well."

Clint's eyes narrow as he looks between the two of them. "This can't be a coincidence. I haven't been troubled by dreams, at least none that I can remember." He turns to Natasha. "What about you?"

She gives a delicate shrug. "I have had dreamless sleeps since," she pauses her gaze snapping to Loki, "since his arrival."

Loki suddenly remembers why he'd been hiding his exhaustion from Thor and why he'd needed to come up with a good lie for why he looked this way. This is why he doesn't like the truth. It always gets him into trouble.

There are suddenly six Avengers staring him down, and two of them look like they'd gladly kill him if he gave them the slightest excuse. Steve looks confused, Thor looks betrayed, and Bruce and Tony both simply look contemplative.

"Have you been messing with our dreams?" Clint asks when it's clear that Loki isn't going to volunteer any further information.

"Not messing with," Loki says. "I've kept the unpleasantness at bay."

He doesn't understand why they're so angry with him. He's doing good. He's keeping them from being scared and upset, and he's allowing them to rest so that they can be their best. Why is this bad? He wishes the rules to his punishment were clearer.

"You've been messing around in our heads?" Clint demands, his voice on the verge of breaking.

"Of course not," Loki says. He knows that tampering with their mind is definitely against the rules. "I capture the emotions that give birth to your nightmares. I know nothing about the substance of them or even which emotions come from whom.

"You have done what?" Thor asks and Loki is surprised at the anger in Thor's voice. He thought Thor would understand what he was doing, how he was trying to make amends in what ways Loki has available to him. "You are channeling the nightmares of six people into your own being? Are you mad?"

He's worried, Loki realizes and the impact of the realization is like a punch to the gut. Thor is worried about him. Loki can feel tears prickling in the backs of his eyes, but he brushes them aside. He doesn't deserve this compassion or concern. He deserves to experience more horror than these combined nightmares can create. He deserves to be tortured and possibly killed. He doesn't deserve to be sitting at the breakfast table with someone who cares about him.

"Channeling?" Steve asks. "What does that mean?"

Thor frowns at Loki in case Loki hadn't figured out that Thor isn't happy. "It's ancient magic, but it allows the caster to channel the emotions of one dreamer to another. Whatever feelings would have haunted our dreams now shape Loki's." Thor shakes his head. "No wonder you look unwell. You must not be sleeping."

"I am sleeping," Loki says, but he can't hold Thor's stare for long. "Just not well. Your concern is unnecessary. I'm surviving."

"You are surviving?" Thor's face is a bright shade of red, and it looks as if at any moment his eyes will pop out of his skull. "Your life was not spared for you to merely survive. You are supposed to live. What is the meaning of this nonsense?"

"Nonsense?" Loki repeats, his voice deadly quiet, a contrast to Thor's. "I am trying to right things. I have caused pain to everyone at this table, and now I am trying to alleviate some of your pain. Why are you angry with me?"

"Are you serious?" Clint asks. "You want to know why we're angry? Probably because you're screwing around in our heads! Sorry, but I've already done the whole mind possession thing. I don't want it to happen again so stay the hell out. I don't care if I have the occasional nightmare, because when I get to dream about ripping your head from your shoulders, the nightmares are worth it."

Clint storms out of the kitchen, leaving a strained silence in his wake. Loki stares at the disintegrating cereal flakes in his bowl.

"I see," Loki finally says. "I apologize. I thought I had been doing something right. You may have your nightmares back."

Loki leaves the table and goes straight to his room. He crosses 'easing pain of nightmares' from the left side of his lists and writes it into the side of things that have to be made up for.

* * *

Loki doesn't want to admit it, but he's kind of glad that the Avengers have put an end to his dream channeling. He doesn't have completely uninterrupted sleep, he has plenty of fuel for his own nightmares, but he gets enough rest that the fog begins to lift in his head, and his eyes don't feel dried out, and smiling doesn't seem like such an impossible task.

He doesn't completely relax, because he's still waiting for the hammer to come down, perhaps even literally. He's done something wrong, and he's going to be punished for it, the only question is how severe that punishment will be. So far, nothing has happened, and the waiting is making Loki anxious.

A knock on his door startles him which makes him scowl. No one in this tower, except possibly Natasha, should be able to sneak up on him.

"May I come in?" Steve asks.

Loki's anger drains out him. He's never been able to be angry with Steve. Midgardian perfection, not only in body but in character. Loki's ashamed to admit that he's jealous of a human.

"I suppose."

It's not exactly an eager invitation, but Steve comes in anyways. He looks at Loki, curled up on his bed with the History of Asgard which he found while snooping around Thor's room. "What happened to Shakespeare?"

"Not in the mood."

Steve sits down on the edge of Loki's bed, and Loki appreciates that he no long has to look up at the man. "You haven't been around for a few days."

Loki shrugs. "I know when I'm not wanted, and I don't want to make the situation worse."

Steve reaches out a hand to touch Loki, but Loki jerks back, expecting an attack. Steve's eyes fill with sadness. "I'm not going to hurt you. Is that why you think I'm here?"

Loki looks away. "I've done something wrong, and you appear to have decided that you're not going to kill me over it, but that doesn't mean you'll let it pass."

"I'm not going to hurt you," Steve says in his best, 'you can trust me, I'm Captain America voice'. "You really thought?" Steve shakes his head as he drags a hand down his face. "No. I'm here to talk to you. To make sure you're all right."

Loki's head is spinning. He's not going to be punished? But that's what happens. He sits in his room, reflecting on what he's done wrong, and then Odin comes to deal with him. This is a break in the pattern, and Loki doesn't like that, because breaks can't be anticipated.

"I don't understand. I thought I did something wrong."

"You did," Steve says. "I can't deny that, but you didn't know it was wrong. You were trying to help, and it's not your fault no one told you that dream channeling is something humans are uncomfortable with. You made a mistake. No one's going to punish you for that."

He always gets punished for his mistakes, that's how he knows that he's done something wrong. "I'm supposed to be fixing things, and I'm making them worse."

"You can't fix what you've done," Steve says. "You can't bring back the lives you took, you can't undo the damage you've done. It doesn't work like that."

Anger mixes with frustration and it boils beneath Loki's skin. What is Steve talking about? Loki's been dragged to Midgard to atone for his crimes at Steve's suggestion, and now Steve is telling him it's a futile effort?

"Then why did you have me brought here?"

"You need to see the consequences of your actions if you're ever going to change. If you do the right thing, because you fear the consequences of what will happen if you don't then you aren't changing, you're following orders. I want you to see the people on my planet and realize that they're worthy of your compassion, your empathy, but most importantly, worthy of their lives. You might be considered a god, and you might be more powerful than most people on this planet, but that doesn't give you a right to kill them. The strong have a responsibility to the weak."

Loki already knows that last part. He was raised a prince, he knows exactly what the strong owe the weak. They rule them to provide stability, to shoulder the worst of the burden, to allow the weak to live their lives as untroubled as possible. It is the king and his army that respond to eskel threats, to threats from Jotunheim, who protect those who cannot protect themselves. And yet, Loki thinks Steve is referencing something different.

"People don't have to prove that they're allowed to live freely, it's their right as people," Steve explains. "Being able to fend off an attack doesn't make you worthy of being free. Simply existing does. Does that make sense?"

"No," Loki says, "but I understand what you're saying. I'll think on it."

"Yeah, a bit different from Asgard's philosophy."

"Yeah."

Loki knows that Steve is different. He's known since Steve challenged him in Germany, and he proved it again when he stood up during the sentencing portion of the trial. Steve's beliefs are foreign to Loki, even after being explained three times, but he'll think them over, because Steve is SHIELD's hero. He's the paragon of America, and if Loki wants to learn to do things right, he'll learn to understand Steve and follow his example.

Loki has difficulty comprehending the concept of not having to prove your worth in order to live. The only unworthy ones who are permitted to live on Asgard are those who are granted life by the Allfather, and that gift can be taken away as easily as it's given. Loki's from a warrior culture where everything revolves around proving yourself.

It hadn't taken Loki long to realize that he was smaller than the other Asgardians, weaker than them. Not significantly but too much for someone who was supposed to be a prince. Loki was excluded from games, teased by the others, abused at mealtimes so he turned to cultivating different strengths. The others whispered that he was unnatural, a sorcerer, a trickster, but he found strength so he could defend himself, prove himself.

"What's this?" Steve asks, picking up a piece of paper that was resting on the bed. He looks over the drawing. There are blue amorphous creatures that seem to have four legs, possibly five unless that last one is a tail, and heads with a horn sticking out the top. They seem to be climbing a mountain and in the top right hand corner there's a rainbow that leads to a gold circle.

Loki snatches the drawing away from Steve, because Alexandra had drawn this for Loki before she left, and Loki's not sure if he's ever going to get a drawing from her again.

"Is it from one of your kids?" Steve asks. He smiles at the brief shock on Loki's face. "I know about the orphanage. I'm kept apprised of your activities."

Of course, Loki thinks. Not enough to have Thor as his keeper and Coulson and Fury spying on everything he does. Captain America has to be involved as well.

"She's pretty good," Steve says, his fingers hovering over the drawing like he wants to touch but doesn't want to upset Loki again. "Those are unicorns, right?"

Loki nods.

"Why are they blue?"

"They're Jotun unicorns," Loki says a hint of exasperation in his voice. He'd tried to explain to Alexandra that there were no such things as unicorns on Jotunheim, but she's countered with the fact that most people say there are no unicorns except in her imagination so they can be from wherever she wants them to be.

"That was her idea," Loki says before he can get a lecture on corrupting innocent children. "I told her she shouldn't but she's a stubborn one."

"What's wrong with unicorns on Jotunheim?"

Loki laughs. "Nothing so pure could exist on that barren realm. There's a reason why in a long history of Asgard's kings, they have all tried to destroy Jotunheim."

"There's no such thing as a world—realm where everyone is born evil."

Loki laughs because Steve sounds so serious, like he actually believes what he's saying. "I am born of Jotunheim, and its influence was so strong that even though I was raised in Asgard, I still couldn't escape turning out wrong."

"No. You made choices," Steve says. "You chose to bring an army to Earth. You weren't compelled by Jotun blood or anything like that. If you were born evil then I would've made sure Thor killed you, because that would mean you couldn't change. But you can change as long as you choose to try."

Steve wants Loki to understand, wants to use the sheer force of his will to make Loki understand, but he knows better than that. Loki's been alive for thousands of years. It's going to take him time to unlearn a lot of what has made him act the way he has towards Earth.

Loki runs his fingers over the outline of one of the unicorns. Unicorns on Jotunheim. A redeemed son of Odin. Both seem impossible, but people still believe that it's possible. Is that enough? Is Becca's belief that the Jotun only need someone to care about them to thaw their hearts enough? Is Steve's belief that Loki can change enough? He knows right away that the answer is no. He has to believe too, but he doesn't know how he can.

He remembers the first time his skin turned blue, his horror, his disgust, his fear. He'd wondered for a moment, if he'd gone completely blue, if he'd looked like the enemy if Thor would've killed him. He would've unless one of the others killed Loki first. Blue skin is death sentence, and Loki still can't shake the thought that there's something wrong with him. He wants to find a way to tear the monster out of him, he wants to believe that if he wasn't Jotun then everything would be okay.

He wants to blame this on Laufey for abandoning him, on Odin for lying to him, on Thor for being so damn oblivious to everything, but he can't. Steve's right. Loki made his own decisions, and no matter how justified he thought he was in making them, they'd been wrong, and he knew he'd been wrong when he did what he did. He can pretend that he was blinded by betrayal or rage or any other emotion, and yes, he felt all those things, but they hadn't consumed his reason.

"I am trying," Loki eventually says, "but I don't trust myself. I don't know what's right and what's wrong, where the line is and how close I can get to it."

"You'll learn," Steve says, "and in the meantime, you have us to help."

He smiles and claps Loki on the shoulder. Loki's startled by the gesture, because this is something that Thor would do with his warrior friends and Loki's not a warrior or Steve's friend.

"You're going to get through this," Steve promises, giving Loki's shoulder a quick squeeze before pulling back. "I'm trying to make Jell-O. Want to come help?"

"Jell-O?" Loki asks even as he gets up to follow Steve.

Steve grins. "It's a magic food. You'll see."


	5. Chapter 5

Warnings: Mild blood magic, spousal abuse, minor child abuse

* * *

Loki takes to walking around with Alexandra's picture carefully folded in his pocket. He is absentmindedly patting it as he walks through the living room, and Thor and Clint are playing a game where they're driving cars with balloons attached to them.

Thor pops one of Clint's balloons and gives a shout of victory. "Soon your little Yoshi will be resting in Valhalla!"

Clint snorts and drives up a set of stairs and passes through a multicolored box with a question mark on it.

Thor is searching for a magical gift box of his own when he senses someone behind him. He pauses the game and ignores Clint's noise of protest as he turns around. Loki is resting against the wall watching the game.

"Brother," Thor says.

Loki nods but his eyes are distant. Thor knows this look well, and he remembers when they were young and how Thor tried to pull Loki back from whatever world he inhabited when he got like this. Thor was never met with much success, but he is not one who gives up easily.

"Is there something that requires my assistance?"

Loki blinks and his gaze shifts from the television screen to Thor. "Could unicorns live on Jotunheim?"

Of all the things Thor was expecting, this was certainly not one of them. "Unicorns?" Thor frowns. "There are no such thing."

"But if there were?"

Loki's eyes burn with desperation, with a need that Thor does not understand. "Where is this question coming from?"

Loki fingers fumble as he reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a white square of paper and unfolds it to show a very crude drawing of blue horses. Thor does not feel any more enlightened.

"Alexandra drew Jotun unicorns. Can that kind of innocence exist on Jotunheim? Did I," Loki pauses, his eyes wide, pleading, "What if Jotunheim isn't our enemy? What if I almost destroyed it because of lies we've been telling ourselves for millennia?"

Thor abandons his controller and vaults over the couch, because something is wrong with his brother. Loki is shaking, and he looks frail without his battle armor. His shoulders are narrow, his waist narrower, and he fits easily inside Thor's arms.

Thor holds Loki tight, as if he can keep him from falling apart. "What has happened?"

"Becca said the Jotun are miserable, because they live on a realm of ice, because no one has offered them a warm home. We've tried to kill them instead of help them, assumed that they were barbarians because they didn't live like we did."

Loki drops his head to Thor's shoulder. "I am the god of fire and instead of bringing a gift to these people, my people, I tried to destroy them."

Loki slips from Thor's grasp and slides to the floor. He looks up, his eyes rimmed with red, self-loathing and a desperate need for help shining through the tears in his eyes.

"Your people?" Thor asks. "You are of Asgard."

Loki shakes his head and the movement lets loose the first tear. "I am Loki Laufeyson, and I am of Jotunheim. I am a disgrace to Asgard and a betrayer of Jotunheim, and I do not understand why the Allfather permitted me to live."

Thor drops to his knees so his face is level with Loki's, and he grabs his brother's shoulders. "He has not given up on you, and neither have I. You will find your redemption, and you will find your place in the cosmos, and I will be at your side through it all." Thor's fingers tighten. "I will be at your side for eternity."

Thor presses his forehead to Loki's. "And one day, when you have mastered the magic of the universe, you will create unicorns, and they will roam free on Jotunheim."

"Now you talk nonsense," Loki says but he doesn't try to pull away.

* * *

In the past ten days, Loki has had a soul baring conversation with Thor, done a cologne advertisement for Ralph Lauren, gone on his weekly trips to the orphanage, and both been caught out for dream channeling and forgiven. What hasn't happened in the past ten days is what Loki wants the most. He hasn't received a picture or a phone call from Alexandra. No one knows how she's doing, and Loki doesn't like it.

Picture clutched firmly in his hand, Loki goes down to the gym where Steve is training. He's sparring with one of Tony's robots which is designed to pick up patterns in Steve's fighting as well as his weaknesses so it can push him into being a better fighter.

"Pause," Steve says and the robot stops mid swing. Steve turns to where Loki is standing, looking lost in the middle of the gym. "I'm guessing you didn't come here to fight."

Steve grabs the towel he'd left on the ground and wipes the sweat off his face and then his neck as he walks over to Loki.

Loki shakes his head, because he has enough unpleasant memories from physical training in Asgard, he doesn't need to make any on Earth. He's content with his magic. He's here because Steve is the one who suggested Loki's punishment, so he should be most aware of what Loki is and isn't allowed to do.

"I worry for Alexandra."

Steve wipes the sweat off his arms. "The girl who drew you the picture."

Loki nods. "She's been adopted, and I haven't heard from her in ten days."

"She's probably settling in," Steve says. Sweat is already rising on his face and neck again, and he really needs to shower so his body can cool down. He starts to head towards the showers, but Loki steps in front of him, and Steve sometimes forgets how tall Loki is. Steve has to look up to meet his eyes, and that isn't something he has to do very often these days.

"I'm worried," Loki says and there's something in the way he says it that makes Steve pause.

Loki knows how to read people, and he'd certainly used that to his advantage during his attempted takeover of Earth, and Steve wonders what set warning bells off in his head, and if maybe he might be right.

"I didn't like her new father," Loki says, "and I like him even less now. I've been sending her letters, but she hasn't answered. I don't think he's showing them to her."

"Why are you telling me this?" Steve asks.

Loki unfolds the picture. "I can use this to see her."

Steve stares at the picture as he thinks about what Loki says, and it takes him a minute to understand. Magic. Loki wants to use magic to spy on her and her new family, and he's looking for permission. Steve rubs the back of his neck and has a feeling that this is going to be one of those days where he really wishes someone else was the leader.

"That's a violation of privacy," Steve says.

"And if she's in danger? Does that make it acceptable?"

"We don't know that she's in danger," Steve says. "What if she's not, and we illegally invade their home?"

"Something is wrong," Loki says. "Do you trust me?"

Steve hesitates because he can't brush that question aside as easily as the others. He should say no. He should point to Loki's plotting on Asgard, his attempted takeover of Earth, of the trial Steve attended where he heard every wrong and underhanded thing Loki has ever done, and say of course Steve doesn't trust him.

And yet.

Steve's the one who heard every testimony at the trial and argued for giving Loki a second chance. He's the one who wants Loki to change, who believes Loki can change, and that means he does trust him. He trusts Loki to learn to want to do the right thing, to learn to identify the difference between right and wrong, wrong and mischievous. And he knows that if he says no right now, if he destroys the fragile bubble of hope in Loki's eyes then it's all over.

"I will be there with you, and you will stop the spell if I tell you to."

Loki nods. "Of course. We're going to need to go to my room. I'm going to need my spell book and my mirror." Loki's headed toward the gym doors, mind spinning with everything he needs when he pauses, and Steve almost runs into him.

Loki reaches out a hand to briefly touch Steve's shoulder. "Thank you."

Before Steve can respond, Loki's disappeared. Sometimes Steve really hates magic, he thinks as he takes off running for Loki's room.

* * *

When Steve reaches Loki's room, Loki is standing in front of his mirror, Alexandra's picture taped to the glass. In each corner of the mirror, there are symbols Steve doesn't recognize painted in red.

He's wondering were Loki got the paint from on such short notice when he spots the healing cut on Loki's arm.

"I figured I'd spare you the details," Loki says, drawing the last symbol on the center of the mirror. "Most people don't like watching the set-up of my magic."

"You hurt yourself," Steve says because he can't think of anything else.

"Not badly," Loki says. "or permanently. Come stand next to me. When I activate the spell, we're going to see through Alexandra's eyes. Are you ready for this?"

Steve nods even though he's really not. Spying on people without their permission is against the Constitution, and he's pretty sure he's not supposed to be encouraging Loki to use magic, but what if the girl is in danger? What if something happens to her, because Steve was unwilling to explore all the options? He's done legally questionable things to save lives before. Is this really any different?

Loki's chanting, the words foreign and almost too soft for Steve to hear. The symbols glow and pulse three times before fading Steve's about to ask if the spell worked when the mirror shimmers and instead of showing Steve and Loki's reflections, it shows a hand coloring.

It's weird watching the hand move without being able to feel anything, Steve thinks, and he wants to ask Loki if he ever gets weirded out by his magic, but he's afraid to disturb the spell so he just watches as the page is filled with a large blue creature.

"Unicorn," Loki whispers.

Alexandra continues to draw, and she adds a person riding her unicorn, the legs long enough to almost brush the ground. She gives the person short hair and a large smile.

"How's your drawing, honey?"

The world shifts as Alexandra looks up, and Mrs. Parkhurst comes into view. Her face is layered with foundation, but it can't hide the tired sag of the skin under her eyes. She unties then reties her apron as she comes over to look at the picture.

A small finger points to the figure on the unicorn. "That's William," she says affection clear in her voice. "He's coming to save us."

"Save us?" Mrs. Parkhurst asks.

Alexandra moves her arm off the other half of her drawing, showing a green house with white shutters that has a large black 'X' through it.

"Oh, honey," Mrs, Parkhurst says and Alexandra looks back up at her.

Somewhere in the distance a door opens and the color drains from Mrs. Parkhurst's face. She snatches the picture off the table and Alexandra's eyes follow her as she tosses it into the trash.

"But that's mine!" Alexandra says.

"Shh," Mrs. Parkhurst insists. She's hurrying back to the table when something outside of Alexandra's line of vision makes her pause.

"The table isn't set," a male voice—Mr. Parkhurst—says.

Mrs. Parkhurst drops her eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry. I'm behind. Why don't you read the paper while I finish up?"

Alexandra looks away from the scene in front of her, and stares at her knees as she pulls them up to her chest.

"I expect dinner to be ready and on the table when I step through the door," Mr. Parkhurst says, his voice low and barely controlled. "I've been working hard all day to support this family. The least you could do is show a little gratitude."

"I'm sorry. Please, dinner's done. Why don't you sit down, and I'll bring yours over to you?"

There's a moment of silence, and Steve wants to know what's happening, needs to know what's happening. Suddenly their view shifts from Alexandra's knees to the ceiling so fast it takes Steve a moment to process. Alexandra lets out a little whimper, and there's a large arm in the corner of her vision. Someone's yanked her head back, Steve realizes. His hands fist at his sides. Loki was right. There's something wrong going on here.

"You didn't curl Alexandra's hair. All I ask is that I have a perfect family waiting for me when I get home. Is that really too much to ask for?"

"No," Mrs. Parkhurst says hurriedly. "Of course not. This is my fault. Please don't be angry with Alexandra."

Steve watches as their view of the ceiling begins to blur and as soon as he realizes that Alexandra's eyes are filling with tears, he turns to Loki, who is watching the mirror with homicide etched into every facet of his face.

"I will make that man beg for mercy before he dies," Loki says, his voice even, controlled, and devoid of any emotion.

"I can't let you do that," Steve says. "If you kill him or even hurt him in any way, I'll have to report you, and Thor will come for you."

Loki tears his gazes away from the mirror. "Then do it. By the time you find me, his body will be in pieces, and I will die knowing I've done something good."

Steve's mind whirls as he tries to figure out how to talk Loki down from this. He never should've let him do the spell. Steve should've pacified him and then gone to check out the house himself. He knows that Loki is volatile, that he reacts emotionally instead of rationally, and Steve should've known better than to agree to this.

"He will be punished," Steve promises, "but not in a way that will get you killed too."

"He hurt Alexandra," Loki says. Why doesn't Steve understand? There's a girl being hurt, and Loki needs to rescue her. He needs to protect her. Isn't that what he's supposed to be learning? Compassion and empathy?

"He did," Steve says, "but she's not the only little girl in the world who's been hurt. If you get yourself killed protecting her, who will protect the others?" Steve holds his breath, praying that Loki doesn't vanish, doesn't teleport to torture and kill someone. Steve waits for a second and slowly exhales. "You asked me before if I trusted you, now I'm asking you to trust me."

Loki hears the sound of a hand hitting flesh, and his head snaps back to the mirror. He can barely see what's going on, only catching slivers of action, and he realizes that Alexandra's watching through her fingers. At least her vision isn't rocking, that means she isn't being hit, but it's only a matter of time.

Loki looks back to Steve, and Steve's staring intently at the mirror, the edges around his mouth hard, his eyes narrowed as if he could kill Mr. Parkhurst with the power of his mind.

"Fine," Loki says. "I trust you. Please help her."

Steve nods and he pulls out his cell phone. Loki doesn't understand how that's supposed to help, but he's agreed to trust him which means giving him time. Loki's not going to give him a lot of time though. If this doesn't work then Loki's going to deal with this his way, and if Mr. Parkhurst lays a hand on Alexandra then punishment be damned, Loki's going to wring his neck.

"Hello," Steve says into his phone. "I'd like to report a domestic disturbance. I was on my nightly jog when I heard shouting. Yes, I know couples fighting is common, but there were sounds of a physical fight as well. I think there might be a kid there too. Please come check it out. The mailbox says Parkhurst, but I don't know what street I'm on. Yes, thank you."

Loki watches as Steve snaps his phone shut. "Now what?"

And now that hard part, Steve thinks. "Now we wait."

"Wait?" Loki demands.

"The police are on their way. You said you trusted me, remember?"

Loki wishes he could take that back. He doesn't want to wait. Alexandra is clearly frightened, and there's clearly something wrong happening inside that house. He doesn't understand why he can't storm in there and bring justice down on the man.

Steve and Loki stand shoulder to shoulder as they watch bits and pieces of the fight between the Parkhursts through the cracks in Alexandra's fingers. Loki's entire body is tense, waiting for the police, hoping that Mr. Parkhurst doesn't notice Alexandra.

"Are you going to turn me in for thinking of harming him?" Loki asks not turning away from the mirror.

"I'd have to turn myself in too," Steve answers. "You can't control your thoughts. Your actions are what you can control."

Loki often doesn't differentiate between the two. He has a thought, and he follows through. Often he has complex thoughts with plots and twists and mischief, but he doesn't often take time to think about if he should do something, simply how best to do it. If Steve hadn't been here, he would've killed Mr. Parkhurst and then Thor would've come to kill him.

"And you've mastered control," Loki says. He means to say it with contempt, but his voice betrays him and he ends up sounding both envious and somewhat awed.

Steve laughs, short and bitter, and it sounds wrong coming from his mouth. "It's not something you master. It's something you struggle with or at least I do. Every time."

"Oh?"

"I," Steve pauses and his gaze flicks over to Loki as is he's weighing his next words. "I'm not perfect. I've been turned into this icon, into this symbol of perfection, but that's not who I am. I make mistakes just like everyone else. Mine just happened to be looked over, because I'm a war hero."

Steve runs his hand through his hair, giving the strands a small tug. "I wasn't always like this, you know," Steve motions to his body. "I was a scrawny kid, always getting beat up in alleyways. It sucked." Steve laughs and shakes his head. "I remember wanting nothing more than to be strong enough to punch back, to land them flat on their backs for once. And then one day, I got my wish.

"I got injected with the super-serum and suddenly I was taller and stronger and virtually indestructible. The first thing I did after I became this was track down a killer and steal his submarine. The second thing," Steve drops his gaze to the floor but not before Loki sees the shame wash through his eyes, "I found Rick Clayton. He was one of the guys who loved to beat on me. I dragged him into the alley where he'd given me a black eye on six separate occasions, and I beat the shit out of him."

Steve sighs and twists his hands. "He cried and begged me to stop and told me he didn't know who I was or what he'd done, but he'd do anything if I just stopped. I didn't. I hit him until he couldn't get back up and then I kicked him a few times, and I left him bleeding in that alley. I've been running away from that memory ever since."

Steve presses the heels of his palms into his eyes as if that could drive the memory from his head. "So I'm not perfect. I know what it's like to give in to rage, to revenge, to your baser instincts. I know what it's like to do something unforgivable and to hate yourself because of it. And I want to help you because I'm selfish, because if you can make peace with what you've done then there's hope for me too."

Loki doesn't know how to react to this. Steve Rogers isn't perfect. He should be rejoicing at that fact. He should want to rub Steve's failure in his face, use it to knock him off the pedestal he's been put up on, but Loki can't do it, because Steve's right. Loki's crimes are worse, but they share the same kind of pain, the same guilt haunts them both. Loki can't tear Steve apart without also destroying himself.

"The memory will never fade," Steve says, his eyes still fixed on the ground, "and I don't want it to. I need it to be there pushing me. Reminding me that I have to make up for it. I know I never will. There's nothing that will ever erase that fault, but it pushes me to do better than my best. It's made me into the man I am today, the one that everyone is proud of. I'm a fraud."

"No you're not," Loki says, his voice soft, his fingers hesitant as he reaches out towards Steve. "You're a living being. All of us are flawed. Our strength doesn't lie in not being broken, it lies in what we do once we're broken. You are," Loki pauses, his finger tips grazing Steve's arm. "You are my role model, even more now that you've told me that."

Steve slowly raises his eyes from the floor and they rest first on Loki's fingers, then his chin, and finally his eyes. "Really?"

Loki squeezes Steve's arm trying to convey friendship, trust, belief, every emotion he's feeling but can't articulate. Steve smiles, hope washing out shame for a brief second, and Loki thinks he was successful.

"Hello."

Both men turn back the mirror, remembering that something had been going on while they were talking. Alexandra is looking up at two people in police uniforms. She must have answered the door while Loki was listening to Steve talk.

One of the police officers, a young woman bends down to Alexandra's level. "Hello. Are you parents home, sweetie?"

Alexandra shakes her head. "My parents are dead. My fake dad is home though. He's hurting my new mom. I don't like him."

There's a crash in the distance and shouting, and the other police officer rushes forward and disappears out of Alexandra's vision. There's muffled yelling in the distance, some more banging, and in a few minutes the police officer reemerges into Alexandra's vision.

He's leading Mr. Parkhurst out the door, on hand on the back of Mr. Parkhurst's neck, the other gripping the chain connected the handcuffs.

"I'm going to get him in the car and call social services," the male officer says. "The wife claims she doesn't need medical attention, but could you try to convince her otherwise? Her head's not bleeding too bad, but I think she's going to need stitches."

Steve taps Loki's shoulder, drawing his gaze away from the mirror. "It's going to be fine. They're going to find Alexandra a safe place to live."

Loki nods and reaches up for the drawing taped to his mirror. He hesitates only a moment before taking it off the mirror and ending the spell.

"It's going to be fine," Steve says again, his hand curving around Loki's shoulder.

Loki doesn't think Steve's talking about Alexandra anymore, and instead of pulling away, his first instinct, he turns so he's face Steve and can wrap his arms around the other man's waist.

"We're going to make it fine," Loki promises.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Um, so I like baseball, and I'm mostly unashamed of it. Also, I'm going to be internetless for a week :( so I'm not abandoning this story, but it won't be updated for probably a week and a half or so. Thank you for being patient.

* * *

"Oh no," Steve says when Loki comes downstairs. "I can't take you to a baseball game looking like that."

Loki is in a pair of carefully ironed khaki pants, and a chocolate brown button-up. It looks good on him, but Steve wants to have a casual Sunday afternoon watching the Rays crush the Yankees. This isn't a business meeting.

Loki frowns as he looks down at himself. "I'm perfectly presentable."

"Not for the kind of afternoon we're going to have," Steve says.

Loki looks over Steve's outfit, a pair of baggy cargo shorts, a worn cotton t-shirt, and a baseball cap for the Brooklyn Dodgers.

"We aren't watching either of those teams play," Loki says. "Why are you wearing their hat?"

Steve bends the brim and sighs. "I guess it'd be kind of obvious who I was if I wore this today. Okay, fine. I'll go find another cap, and you go put on something more comfortable, and we'll meet up in five minutes. We don't want to miss the train."

Steve bounds off, and Loki stands still for a moment trying to process what's happening. He still doesn't understand why Steve insists on taking him to a baseball game, but Steve's promised him it isn't out of pity so Loki's agreed to go with him. Baseball is one of the few sports Loki hasn't been introduced to, because it's too slow paced to hold Thor's interest, and Thor is the one who's been introducing Loki to human activities.

Yesterday, Thor had forced Loki to go with him to this place called Buffalo Wild Wings where Thor stuffed his face with chicken dipped in various sauces. Loki thought the whole thing was unmannered and uncultured, and Thor only proved the point when he made Loki take a picture of him with sauce smeared all over his cheeks.

The restaurant disagreed with Loki, because a huge crowd formed around Thor while he was working his way through a pile of wings that were supposedly the spiciest the place offered. Thor worked his way through them with a giant grin and to the cheering of the crowd. Loki counted the ice cubes in his water while he waited for it to be over.

A knock on his door pulls Loki out of his thoughts, and he finishes putting his outfit on before he issues his, "come in."

Steve saunters in, a large smile on his face. He has an Avengers cap on his head and another in his hand. They're blue with a red 'A' outlined in white where usually a team logo would be. Loki has a bad feeling about what's about to happen, and then Steve's set the hat down on Loki's head, ruining his curls.

"I don't like hats," Loki says, trying very hard not to pout.

"Just horned helmets?" Steve teases. "Come on, it's part of the experience. Let's go, I want to make sure we hit up the snack stands before the game starts."

Loki's fussing with the baseball hat, and he wants to do nothing more than to take it off and hurl it across the room, but Steve is practically bouncing on his toes with excitement, and his shoulders are relaxed in a way Loki can't ever remember seeing them. This is a break for him, Loki realizes, taking in the broad smile and the way his eyes are lit up with almost boyish excitement. This is Steve's escape from the responsibilities of leading the Avengers and protecting the world, and he's done so much for Loki and Loki can suck it up and wear a ridiculous hat for a couple of hours.

He straightens it on his head and checks himself in the mirror one last time. He's in plaid shorts and a plain navy blue shirt, and the hat doesn't really go with the rest of the outfit. He hopes no one recognizes him while he's there. Maybe he should shift his appearance from Tom to William.

"You look fine," Steve says reaching out and grabbing Loki's arm. "We're just going to a baseball game."

"I'm a fashion model," Loki says as he follows Steve to the elevator. "I have a reputation to uphold."

"Well, today you're just a guy going to a baseball game with a friend."

Loki's feet stumble over the word friend, but Steve doesn't seem to notice. He's whistling a song Loki's never heard of as he reaches out to press the down button on the elevator.

* * *

"I could've teleported us here easily," Loki says as Steve leads him through a crowd of people all trying to get into Yankee Stadium.

Loki hadn't liked the train as much as when he'd taken it with Thor. This time it was noisy and unhygienic, and people kept touching him. People he didn't know. He clung to his pole and tried to make himself as small as possible, but it didn't work. Steve had been oblivious to the people jostling him, and the guy in the corner who wouldn't quit staring, and the little boy who was chewing gum and then putting it under his seat.

"Part of the experience," Steve says with a laugh. "Besides, you miss out on a lot if you jump from place to place. Think about all the things you learned on the train ride here. Would you want to give those up?"

Loki's about to say yes, yes he would like to never step foot on a train again, but then he remembers when the elderly man came onto the train, leaning heavily on his cane. His steps were slow and careful, as if he was afraid the ground was going to give out beneath his feet every time he reached out his foot.

A little girl who hadn't been able to sit still for the past two stops had clambered onto her mother's lap to give the man her seat, and she chatted away to him for the next two stops. Loki is constantly being surprised by human children, and while the rest of the trip had been miserable, that moment is something he is not soon going to forget.

"I suppose it was tolerable," Loki says as they move closer to the entrance to the field.

Steve grins and taps the brim of Loki's hat.

* * *

Once they got into the stadium, Steve had insisted that they load up on food so they didn't have to leave their seats until the game was over.

"I don't understand why you're so interested," Loki says as he carries a bag of peanuts, a box of crackerjacks, and a hotdog down to their seats. "Neither of these are your teams."

"True but my team stopped existing while I was," Steve looks around to make sure no one's listening to them, "uh, sleeping, but I still have a healthy hatred for the Yankees. I'll watch any game just to hope they lose."

Loki shakes his head as they ease into their seats, shielded from the sun by the tier of seats above their heads. They're a significant distance away from the field, and Loki wonders what the appeal is of watching them from so far away. "You're hoping that a team loses?"

Steve shrugs, but there's a bit of a blush creeping up his cheeks. "Baseball turns me into a different person. And not always a good one. Want a peanut?"

Steve rips open the bag in Loki's lap and hands him a food Loki's never seen before. It's tan in color and oblong in shape, and had a strange texture to the outside. He's been trying new foods since he got here, though, and he doesn't want another lecture on 'the experience of baseball' so he pops it into his mouth.

He makes a face while he chews, because it's not pleasing to him at all, and then he notices Steve staring at him, looking both disgusted and like he's trying not to laugh.

"You don't eat the whole thing," Steve finally says, a smile tugging at his lips. "There's a shell protecting the peanut. Here." Steve pulls out a peanut and cracks open the textured part to reveal a much smaller oblong object. Steve holds it out to Loki. "This is the part you eat."

"Oh."

"Did you know that Jimmy Carter was a peanut farmer?" Steve asks cracking open several peanuts. "I've been catching up on my American history; though, Fury doesn't like it when I fixate on details he thinks are unimportant. But, do you know what's really cool? LBJ brushed his teeth a ridiculous number of times his first night in Congress so he could meet all the other members." Steve grins and shoves a handful of shelled peanuts into his mouth.

Loki has no idea who any of those people are, but he sets himself to researching them as he nods, pretending to be interested.

"I heard that Johnson ordered the hit on the Kennedys," Loki says a moment later.

Steve frowns at him from under his hat. "You would be a conspiracy theorist, but I don't think he was behind it."

"Of course you don't, you like to see the best in everyone."

Steve grins and props his feet up on the empty chair in front of them. "Consider it a character flaw."

Loki flicks a peanut shell at him.

* * *

"Why did he just do that?" Loki asks. Instead of swinging the bat, the batter had simply stuck it out and waited for the ball to hit it. The ball barely rolled down the third base line, and the catcher had thrown the batter out easy. Loki could've easily looked up everything he needed to about the rules of baseball, but he enjoys asking Steve, because Steve sits up straight in his seat and uses his hands to explain things like batting order and stealing bases and different kinds of pitches, and Loki likes watching the excitement on Steve's face as he can explain something about the modern world.

"Sacrifice bunt," Steve answers. "See, the point of baseball is scoring the most runs, but it doesn't matter who scores the runs as long as your team has the most in the end. A lot of people claim that baseball is the quintessential American sport, because it's more an individual sport than a team sport, but they're wrong. Baseball is all about advancing the front runner so he can score, and sometimes that means you've got to hit a sac bunt or a sac fly, and that means less glory for you, but it doesn't matter as long as your guy on the bases can get home. Like that."

Steve leans back in his chair, satisfied as Johnny Damon hits a double that drives in the guy on second base. "He wouldn't have been able to score on that play if he hadn't gotten to second off the bunt."

There are a few Rays fans around them that are cheering for Damon because he hit the double or for the guy that scored, but Steve's proud of the guy who made the sacrifice play, and Loki can't help his laugh as he digs into the box of cracker jacks.

"What's so funny?" Steve asks.

"You." Loki grins and pops a handful of food into his mouth. "You ever play this game?"

"Everyone played, but I played in the street with a piece of wood and whatever we could find to make a ball. Once or twice I got to play with a real bat and ball, but there wasn't a lot of extra sports equipment during the Depression."

"I bet you were the guy making the sacrifice play."

Steve's smile doesn't quite reach his eyes. "I didn't have much choice. I wasn't strong enough to get a good hit in so it was get out or get out and get my teammate to second. I was the best bunter around."

"I bet you'd still be that guy," Loki says, his gaze fixed on the box of cracker jacks. "Even though you're stronger now, you'd rather get the other guy home than call attention to yourself."

Steve looks back at the game. "It's all about making sure your team wins."

* * *

"So?" Steve asks as they head out of the stadium. "Did you like it?"

"It was fun. I can see how Thor thinks it's boring, but there's a complicated strategy involved if you examine it closely."

Steve laughs. "It's supposed to be relaxing. You don't need to analyze it."

"I analyze everything," Loki points out.

They're hustled through the surge of people trying to get back to their cars or the train station. Steve has a firm hand wrapped around Loki's wrist so he doesn't get lost which Loki thinks is ridiculous. He's not a child. He's not going to get lost, and he can always teleport back to the Tower.

"Hey kiddo," a man says to his son, ruffling his hair. "You have fun?"

The little boy has cotton candy clinging to his chin and his hair, but he smiles up at his dad. "Johnny Damon is awesome! I'm going to hit as well as him someday."

Steve's hand tugs on Loki's wrist, reminding Loki that he's supposed to be moving. He stumbles along behind Steve, bodies pressing on all sides of him, jostling him this way and that, and Loki really doesn't understand why this is part of the experience.

When they finally break free of the crowd, Loki pauses to breathe in air that he hasn't had to share with the people crammed against him.

"You're a bit of a diva," Steve says, but he's grinning as he waits for Loki to pulls himself together.

"And you're a sadist," Loki says. "Why are there so many boys named kiddo?"

Steve's eyebrows pull together and it scrunches up his forehead. "What?"

Loki adds slow to his list of words to describe Steve. "These dads keep calling their sons kiddo. It seems like an unusually common name. I was wondering why."

"Oh." A frown passes briefly across Steve's face. "It's a nickname. Like how the team calls me Cap. Lots of dads call their kids kiddo. It's just something they do. They don't have nicknames on Asgard?"

"It's not quite the same," Loki says and he heads down the street toward the train station.

Steve easily catches up to him. "Tell me about it? We didn't have a lot of time to explore Asgard while we were there, and I think new places are interesting. It's part of the reason why I joined the army."

Loki shakes his head, because he's had a good day, and he doesn't want to ruin it. Well, his day's already been ruined, but he doesn't want to ruin Steve's day.

"Come on," Steve says. "It can't be that bad. Is it worse than Capsicle? That's Tony's favorite name for me. I prefer Cap to Capsicle, but I suppose Tony could come up with worse so I should be grateful that he stopped where he did."

Loki's forgotten about Steve's curiosity. He should've known that a man thrown into an unfamiliar time would want to know everything about everything, and that Captain America would have the strength of will to not let something go until he had all his answers.

Loki tips the brim of his hat down so Steve can't see his eyes. "There were two, mostly. When people knew I was around they would call me the Father of Lies, and when they thought I couldn't hear them they would call me the Mother of Monsters."

Loki keeps walking, and it takes him a minute to realize that Steve's no longer by his side. He turns around and tilts his head up to see past the brim of his hat. Steve is standing where he'd been when Loki'd made his confession, sympathy etched into his features.

It looks too much like pity for Loki's liking so he continues on his way to the train station.

"They shouldn't have called you that," Steve says catching up to Loki.

Loki shrugs. "It's not like they weren't saying anything that wasn't true."

"Loki," Steve says reaching a hand out for Loki's arm.

Loki ducks under Steve's hand. "Can we go back to having enjoyed the game?"

Steve drops his hand back to his side. "Sure. Do you remember the double play in the bottom of the third? That was sick."

Steve starts recapping a game that Loki had just seen in its entirety. Steve takes an imaginary swing at a ball, mimicking the homerun Damon had hit during the top of the fifth. Loki lets himself be pulled into Steve's enthusiasm, forgetting about Asgard.

* * *

Loki's sprawled out across Thor's bed and staring up at the ceiling that Thor's decorated with glow-in-the-dark stars.

"I like them," Thor says defensively from the armchair he's taken over when he sees the smile tugging at Loki's lips.

"You always enjoyed sleeping under the stars."

Loki and Thor used to sneak out of their rooms and set up bedrolls on one of the many roofs so they could gaze up at the sky as they prepared for bed. They would point to constellations and share the stories behind them, make up their own constellations, speculate about how many realms there were besides their nine. That had been when they were young, before Thor had spent all of his time training in the grounds or pouring over the history of Asgard's battles. Before Loki had locked himself up in his library and began plotting ways to make himself noticed, to remind Asgard that they had two princes.

"You always enjoyed telling me stories," Thor says, fondness in his voice.

"You were a good listener."

Loki had taken tales they'd heard of for years and woven them into something new, something exciting. He would make up details that weren't in the history books, and take a fight between two heroes and turn it into a tale of trust and betrayal, of the struggle between love of king and love of a woman.

"Until I wasn't," Thor says remembering how gradually he lost interest in the stories Loki told. He only cared about the fighting, the clash of steel the battles of strength not what led up to the fighting, not what was at stake. Thor started reenacting fights with The Warriors Three, and he spent less and less time on the rooftops with Loki.

"We both changed," Loki says. "You just turned out better because of those changes."

"I wasn't alone," Thor says. "I never should've left you to deal with adolescence on your own."

"I should've been stronger." Loki flips onto his stomach. "Do you have a nickname?"

Thor's eyebrows pull together as he tries to keep up with the abrupt conversation shift. "What?"

Loki drawls out each word as he says, "Do. You. Have. A. Nickname? I didn't think it was a tough question."

Thor tosses a throw pillow at Loki's head and Loki easily swats it out of the air. "Tony uses several, but I am not fond of any. I particularly dislike Lightning McQueen."

Loki laughs. "Really? He named you after an animated car?"

"How do you know about Cars?"

"I work with kids," Loki says. "Of course I know what Cars is. Daniel has Lightning McQueen shoes that light up when he walks. Maybe I should see if I can find a pair in your size."

"I do not find you amusing, brother," Thor says, but there's a smile hiding behind the gruff voice and the narrowed eyes. "What has prompted this line of questioning?"

"These dads kept calling their kids kiddo, and I realized that I didn't have any flattering nicknames. I was curious as to if you had one."

"You want a nickname?" Thor asks, unsure if he is properly following this conversation. Sometimes Loki jumps topics too quick for Thor to follow, and usually his words have meanings hidden under meanings, and Thor always misses something.

Loki folds his arms on the bedspread and drops his chin to his arms. "I was thinking of William."

"You fake identity?"

"Yeah. People like him. I like him. He's trying to make life better for kids, and people smile at him when they pass him on the streets. They're not afraid of him or wary of him or expecting the worst from him."

"That is not a nickname," Thor says, his voice soft now that he understands what's going on. "That is a different person. You cannot change who you are, but I believe that if you continue as you are, you will be able to alter people's perception of you. Loki can be as beloved as Tom."

"I still want a nickname," Loki says jutting his bottom lip out.

"How about One-Who-Pouts?" Thor teases.

Loki vaults off the bed and knocks Thor out of his arm chair. Thor had been expecting the attack, and he rolls with it, laughing as he and Loki wrestle on the floor.

"One-Who-Always-Loses?" Thor offers.

It's Loki's turn to laugh as he twists out of Thor's grasp. He grabs the cover off the bed, and he's in motion again, throwing it over Thor's head and bringing Thor to the ground.

"One-Who-Always-Cheats?" Thor asks, his voice muffled by the comforter.

"Perhaps Loki isn't so bad after all," Loki says from his perch on top of Thor.

Thor claws his way out of the blanket until his head is poking out. "I happen to be quite fond of the name."

Loki rolls his eyes and gives Thor's cheek a shove, but there's a smile hidden in the depths of his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I'm back! Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. They were wonderful to come back home to.

Warnings: Thor's healing magic. There's no blood involved this time but there is saliva, and I'm personally kinda squeamish about spit so I just thought I'd give a warning for it.

* * *

Loki has the day off from modeling, and he's not scheduled to be at the orphanage which he's regretting at the moment since Thor has decided to put demands on Loki's time, and Loki would much rather be playing with Becca or trying to coax a smile from Alexandra than playing with plastic guns.

"It will be fun," Thor promises as he drags Loki into one of Tony's workshops.

Tony and Steve are already in there, Steve stripped to his boxers and hooked up to some machine as Tony stands behind a computer screen.

Loki raises his eyebrows. "How is that fun?"

"I engineered this tech myself," Tony says, grinning at their new arrivals. "We're all going to take turns in the chair and when we come out, we'll be ready for the most epic game of laser tag you've ever played."

Loki decides not to mention that he's never played laser tag before, because Tony, Steve, and Thor all seem excited about this game. Actually, their levels of excitement make Loki nervous that he's being roped into playing. It's a shooting game and requires teams, and Loki doesn't understand why Thor hasn't recruited Clint as his teammate. The two of them seem to get along, and Loki isn't the guy people ask to be teammates with.

"What is the machine doing?" Loki asks coming up behind Tony. There's a diagram of Steve's body on the machine, and data is popping up too quick for Loki to follow.

Tony's face lights up at the chance to show off. "Well, it's putting sensors into Steve's body so that we can simulate actually being shot. Usually when you shoot someone during laser tag it just makes a bunch of noise, but with a little modification on my part, if you get shot then your body will act as if you've actually been shot."

Tony expands the diagram of Steve's body. "So say Steve gets shot in the ankle. Suddenly, it's going to be painful as hell for him to walk on it. Get it?"

Loki gets it, but that only makes him reconsider playing this game. He understands that it'll be phantom pain, that no damage will actually be done, but he'll still feel the pain, and he's not really eager to do that.

"Don't give me that look," Tony says. "As soon as you're dead the pain stops. Besides, I like a little realism in my shooting games. Okay, Steve's done. Thor, your turn for the chair."

"This will be an excellent way to spend our day," Thor says as he takes Steve's place in the chair. Loki hopes it'll be over quickly.

* * *

Loki adjusts his grip on his gun and presses his back against the wall, his ears straining for any sign of the enemy. He doesn't hear the rapid staccato of Steve's heart or the soft whine the arc reactor gives out. Nor does he hear Thor's heavy breathing. It appears as if he's alone in this corner of the living room.

The entire 28th floor is being used as their battleground, and Loki and Thor are at a disadvantage, because they don't know the terrain as well as Tony, and even Steve knows the layout fairly well. Loki's pretty sure he was studying floor plans while Loki was in the chair.

Loki's also not allowed to use his magic; though, that's more to keep the playing field level than anything. It makes Loki nervous, especially since Thor made him swear on his love of Frigga not to use magic. Loki's terrified that he's going to panic and teleport or use a spell that's as natural to him as talking, and he's going to dishonor both himself and his mother. This is why he hates taking oaths, but Thor, and Tony, had been insistent.

Loki slides along the wall, keeping his ears trained for any sound. The lights are dimmed, and Loki has to resist adjusting his eyesight so he can see better, because that's definitely cheating.

Loki touches his hand to his ear, making sure the comm. piece is still there. "Thor, where in the Nine Realms are you?"

There's a moment of silence.

"We're supposed to be using codenames, Sammy."

Loki rolls his eyes. "I'm not calling you Dean. And don't call me Sammy."

Thor's been watching this television show called Supernatural which Loki refuses to watch with him, because Loki has plenty of TV of his own to catch up on. He's finally finished Star Trek: The Original Series including all the movies and the reboot movie, but now he's moved onto the Next Generation, and after that he still has Voyager, Deep Space Nine, and Enterprise. He doesn't have time for this multi-season show Thor's obsessed with.

Not to mention, Thor's decided that the two main characters, brothers who sometimes don't get along but always love each other, are representations of Thor and Loki, and he keeps randomly hugging Loki and promising him that nothing is too bad to be forgiven, and that he would give up his soul for Loki if he had to.

"That's exactly what Sammy would say," Thor says, sounding proud. "Have you seen any sign of the enemy?"

"No sign of them," Loki says. He wonders if he can somehow cut off Thor's Netflix connection. "I'm in the living room. They weren't in the kitchen. I'm making my way towards the bedrooms."

"I am in the far bedroom," Thor says. "I hear a rustling in the closet. I think I may have stumbled upon one of them."

"They probably heard you talking so I couldn't count on a sneak attack."

Thor laughs. "I am not known for my stealth so I am not concerned. I am moving in."

Loki continues slips into the first bedroom and presses his ear to the floor. He doesn't think there's anyone in the room, but he'll give it a thorough sweep before moving on. He keeps his gun held out in front of him, ready to fire at the slightest movement.

"Success!" Thor shouts and Loki winces and turns down the volume on his comm. "I have injured Tony without having been injured greatly in return. He has fled dragging his leg behind him. I have pain in my shoulder, but I trust that I will be able to fire this fine weapon with my left hand."

"It's not a fine weapon, it's a toy."

"Try to use your imagination," Thor says. "This is an epic battle, and we shall prove to be victorious."

Loki decides that it's best to stay silent. He finishes checking out the room he's in and move onto the next one.

* * *

Loki still hasn't run into anyone which he finds strange, because the floor isn't that large. Thor has tracked Tony down and "killed" him, and he's now stalking Steve. Loki wonders if this will all be over without him having been shot at or having to shoot at anyone.

That actually sounds like a really good plan. Loki tucks himself into a closet and decides to wait it out here.

"I believe I have discovered the hiding place of Steve," Thor says. "I think he is in the laundry room. I shall endeavor to dispatch him so that we might celebrate our mighty victory. Will you come assist me? We can get the kill together."

There goes Loki's plan to hide in the closet. "I'm on my way."

"I shall wait for you, and we can coordinate an attack."

Loki doesn't bother crouching or moving slowly now that Tony's out and Steve's apparently trapped in a room with a washer and dryer.

"Haha sucker!" Steve shouts and Loki sees a blur of movement in the dim lighting of the hallway and then suddenly Thor is cursing and dropping to the ground.

Loki doesn't think, he just raises his gun. "No one kills my brother and gets away with it." He pulls the trigger, and Steve collapses with a groan.

Loki grins as the lights come back on. "I just killed Captain America," he says, proud of himself.

A moment later he hears the shattering of glass, and he turns around in time to see a bullet coming at him. He doesn't have time to dodge, and his head explodes in pain.

* * *

Thor feels a brief moment of full body pain before it fades and the light on his gun shuts off, alerting him to his death. He is pleasantly surprised to see Loki come in and get the kill, even more surprised that Loki has finally decided to play along with the game.

And then something terrible happens. The lights turn on, and Thor is getting up so he can celebrate their victory when he sees the bullet. There is not enough time to warn Loki or push him out of the way and then the bullet is piercing Loki's skull, and Loki is gone.

There is no sound that lets Thor know Loki teleported, and his body does not crumple to the ground, he simply disappears.

"What the hell?" Steve asks, pushing to his feet. He runs to the spot where Loki had been standing. There's a bullet lying on the ground. "What the hell just happened?"

Thor points to the shattered window. "Someone just shot my brother." He is saying the words, but they are not processing in his mind. Someone has shot Loki, and Loki is now gone. Dead? No, a human bullet could not kill him. Or could it? Thor does not know the answer to the question. No Asgardian has ever been shot with a Midgardian bullet.

"Why is there a hole in my window?" Tony demands, coming into the room, his gun resting on his shoulder. "And where'd Loki go? I thought he just shot Steve."

"He did," Steve answers. "And then someone shot him." He bends down and picks up the bullet. He turns it over in his hand. "We need to find Coulson and figure out what the hell just happened."

Steve's pulling out his cell phone when the door bursts open and Coulson and three SHIELD agents run through, weapons raised.

Coulson's eyebrows pull together when he sees Steve standing and with no signs of injury. "You're alive."

"Of course I'm alive."

"Loki shot you."

The pieces click in Steve's head, and he takes a step towards Coulson like he's considering punching the man or maybe even strangling him. "We were playing laser tag. Did you," Steve can't bring himself to finish that question.

"You killed Loki over a game of laser tag?" Tony shouts, picking up where Steve left off. "So what you're saying is, you spy on him and have a sniper trained on him, but you aren't good enough at your jobs to realize we were playing a freaking game?"

Thor falls to the ground, the impact shaking the floor His brother is dead. He has been killed by the humans over a game that he did not wish to participate in the first place. Thor's hands clench into fists, and he channels his anger into the sky. Thunder booms, almost deafening, and the agents look afraid.

Good, Thor thinks, rising to his feet. He wants them to be afraid. He wants them to tremble in fear before him, and then he wants to wipe their miserable existence from this planet. He raises a hand above his head, and it begins to spark. These mortals will finally understand what it means that Thor is the god of thunder.

"Woah," Tony says wishing he had a suit on call on this floor, because his suit can handle Thor's lightning. A couple agents in Kevlar vests can't. "Thor, buddy, you need to calm down. They screwed up, but you can't kill them."

"It is my right," Thor says his voice empty, barren, all of his emotion being channeled through the storm. "I had claim to Loki's life, and they took that from me. In return, I claim their lives."

Tony's turns to Steve, because he doesn't know what to do, and Thor's about to kill four people, one of them being Agent Coulson, and Steve's the leader so he should be doing something, but Steve is frozen. He's staring at the bullet in his palm, and is seemingly oblivious to what's going on around him.

Thunder cracks above their heads so loud that the tower trembles.

"You cannot claim their lives," Loki says.

Thor turns his back on the agents to see his brother leaning against the far wall. His limbs are shaking, and his skin is several shades paler than it usually is. His eyes try to focus on Thor but they slip away, and he starts to slide down the wall.

"I live," Loki says, his voice growing quieter with each word. "Wounded, but I-"

The image of Loki flickers before it disappears.

Thor turns to Steve, the agents now forgotten. "Give me the bullet. I must go to my brother."

Steve wordlessly drops the bullet into Thor's hand, and he watches Thor run out of the room before turning to the agents. Even Coulson looks cowed by the look Steve gives them.

"We need to speak to Fury," Steve says. "You should consider yourself lucky that Loki is a god and wasn't killed by a bullet to the head or Thor might have destroyed this entire city in mourning."

"We did our job," one of the agents protests "He was a threat to your safety."

"Fury," Steve says. "Now."

"I'll tell the others what's happened," Tony says. He wants to see Steve go all Captain America on SHIELD's ass, but he's also kind of afraid of Steve right now. He can see the tight lines of anger on Steve's face, and the way Steve's hands keeps curling into fists. Steve's on the verge of snapping, and Tony doesn't want to accidently get any of that anger directed at him.

Steve nods, giving his permission and his approval, without ever taking his eyes off the SHIELD agents. "I assume you have a car parked near here that can take us to Headquarters."

"I do," Coulson says and he heads towards the elevator.

* * *

Thor bursts into Loki's room wondering where Loki could be hiding. He has to be somewhere in the tower, because that is a condition of his punishment, but Thor does not remember seeing a place for Loki to hide in previous trips to Loki's room.

And then he spots a door he does not recall seeing before. He opens it, revealing a walk in closet. He turns the light on, and on the left are a series of papers with bullet points and Loki's small, neat handwriting. On the right are shelves, and one of them is full of blankets.

Thor rushes over and rips the top blanket off. Loki's still form is lying there, eyes open and frozen in shock and staring up at the shelf above him. His chest barely moves, but it's enough to reassure Thor that his brother still lives.

Thor drops to his knees and clutches one of Loki's hands. "Brother," he whispers, and presses Loki's hand to his cheek. "I will make this right. I will return you to me. You must be strong and hold onto your life as I restore you. Can you do that?"

Loki does not answer, and Thor holds his cold hand for a moment longer before pulling out the bullet. It looks like a copper mushroom, and Thor wonders if his magic will be successful. He begins to bend the metal, reshaping it into a flat disc, large enough to fit over the bullet hole in the center of Loki's forehead.

Once it is in the correct shape, Thor puts it into his mouth and focuses on his healing magic. He does not use it often, even less now that he is here on Earth, and he prays to Odin and to Frigga, to every god and goddess in the Nine Realms that this will be successful.

He knows now that Loki will not die from being shot, but his brother is lost. His mind has deserted his body, and Thor needs to reunite them. He needs to bring Loki back. Thor thinks about his fondest memories as he coats the copper in saliva and turns it over with his tongue.

He recalls chasing Loki through the halls of Asgard and how Loki would never hide in the Great Library even though he could easily lose Thor in the stacks of books. Loki has always treated learning with a reverence that Thor did not understand. He thinks about those books, the knowledge they hold, how their secrets are available to anyone who will only take the time to pick the books up and listen. He thinks of the hours he spent sparring as Loki filled his head with the secrets of the Nine Realms, and he concentrates on bringing those secrets back to Loki's body.

Thor remembers the eskel tusk he had taken as a spoil of victory after a hunt and how he had shown it to Loki to show off, because Thor had wanted little else than Loki's approval. Loki had smiled as he turned over the curved weapon, and he had asked Thor to recount the tale of the hunt. Thor had been surprised, because Loki hated hearing about hunts, but as Thor talked, Loki's hands ran over the smooth ivory of the tusk, and Thor's story became imprinted on the trophy.

Most Asgardians only remembered when Loki used his magic for mischievous ends, but Thor chooses to remember the other moments, when Loki did something good like he had with the tusk.

Thor spits the flattened bullet out and presses it against Loki's forehead, so the bullet wound is covered. He holds the metal disc in place and continues to remember his brother. The tug of his lips when he was trying not to laugh during one of the Allfather's speeches. The way his eyes lit up whenever Thor chose to sit with him at meals instead of the Warriors Three. The way he bit his bottom lip when he was nervous but didn't want to admit it.

The disc begins to glow, and it warms under Thor's finger until the metal fuses to Loki's forehead. His pupils shrink back down to their normal size and Thor gently closes Loki's eyelids.

"Sleep and heal," Thor whispers. He brushes his lips across the high arch of Loki's cheek bone. "I will be waiting for you."

* * *

It is three days after Loki has been shot, and Thor has still not moved from his place at Loki's side. He holds Loki's hand and talks to him, reminding him of the rides they used to take through the Adalstein Forest, of the dreams they shared while perched on the spires of the palace. He tells Loki how Thor used to be jealous of his ability to use magic, how sometimes he still is.

Thor's limbs are heavy, though not as heavy as his eyelids, but he cannot sleep. He refuses to sleep until Loki wakes up, because someone has to stay here and remind Loki of who he is, of why he must return to his body. Thor does not like the idea that Loki is wandering around the Realms, lost, searching for his home, and thinking that he is alone.

A soft knock at the door interrupts Thor's musings. "I am not hungry nor do I require rest."

"Both of those are lies," Frigga says, her voice a shock and a relief at the same time. "May I enter, son?"

Frigga is here? How had she known? Mother always knows, he thinks with a smile. "Yes," he answers, his voice trembling, his body on the verge of falling apart. His mother is here, and she will ensure that Loki will heal. She will ensure that everything will be fine.

The closet door opens, and Thor releases Loki's hand long enough to let his mother sweep him into a giant hug. She holds him tight, holds him together, and one of her hands runs through his hair, reassuring him, a promise that she will fix everything.

"There is food on your bed," Frigga says. "Eat and then rest. I will look after Loki." She runs the back of her hand over Thor's cheek. "Let me share your burden. We will bring him back together."

Thor nods and Frigga wipes at tears Thor had not realized he was shedding. He lingers in her arms for a moment longer before leaving the closet.

As soon as the door is closed, Frigga goes to her other son. She gathers Loki up in her arms, blankets and all, and sits down on the floor, rocking him like she used to do when he was a small boy. He's taller now, and his limbs extend in every direction, but she still holds him to her chest, and she brushes her lips over his temple.

"You did not deserve this," she says. "Any of this. I should have been a better mother to you. I never should have lied to you. I never should have made you feel like you were not as important to me as Thor." She runs a hand through Loki's limp hair. "You are my son, and I love you. Please return to me."

* * *

Thor leaves his room for the first time the day after his mother arrives. She insists that she can watch over Loki and that he should reassure his friends that everything is going to be fine. Thor protests at first, but he can never say no to his mother for long so he takes his dirty dishes down to the kitchen to wash them during lunchtime.

The Avengers are all eating, but they pause when he arrives.

"Is he all right?" Steve asks, setting is sandwich back down on his plate. He wipes his hands and takes the dishes from Thor so he can start washing them.

"He will be fine," Thor answers. Clint pulls out the chair next to him and Thor gratefully sinks down into it. "Mother is here, and she will ensure that he returns to his body."

"I thought I saw Tesseract readings," Tony says. And then his head snaps up. "Wait, did you say returns to his body?"

Thor nods, suddenly feeling incredibly tired. "Loki poured his consciousness into his second clone, and when it faded, his consciousness was dispersed into the tower. His body is recovering, but it is an empty shell right now."

"Are you saying that Loki's soul is floating around the tower?" Clint asks. He forces himself to stay still, to not turn and look over his shoulder or brush at his arms.

"Yes."

"Why would he do that?" Bruce asks. "Why make the second clone if he wasn't strong enough to hold it?"

"To protect you," Thor says and he hangs his head. "I thought he was dead, and I was not handling my anger well. I would have destroyed the tower and perhaps the city if Loki had not appeared to tell me that he was still alive."

Steve puts a plate full of ham and turkey sandwiches in front of Thor. "You should eat. You're going to need your strength to help bring Loki back home."

"Is he like a ghost?" Clint asks. "Is he going to be haunting us and shit?"

"I do not know." Thor picks up his first sandwich, and his stomach rumbles, reminding him that he has not been eating much lately. "I have only read about this in the legends. I have never seen someone separated from their consciousness."

"So you don't even know if he can find his way back," Tony says. As soon as the words are out of him mouth, he realizes that he should've kept them in his head. Thor's shoulders sag, and he drops his sandwich back to his plate.

"All I can do is hope."


	8. Chapter 8

Steve runs his hand through his hair, shaking out some of the lingering water from his shower, and heads into the kitchen.

"Dinner smells incredible, Bruce," he says, trying to finger comb his hair into his trademark style. He's used to the tower smelling foreign but good whenever Bruce cooks, but he's really outdone himself tonight. There's the smell of chicken, but it's wrapped up in a hint of honey, and Steve's mouth waters at the thought of biting into honey glazed chicken.

"I am not Bruce, but I will accept the compliment nonetheless."

Steve's head snaps up to see Thor's mother standing in front of the stove, stirring what smells like corn cooking in butter sauce. Steve's stomach rumbles, and he feels a blush rising on his cheeks.

"Uh," Steve's brain stops working, unable to comprehend that the Queen of Asgard is cooking in his kitchen.

She smiles, warm, inviting, and a little bit amused. "I did not mean to alarm you. I have come here to see my sons. I thought Thor would have told you."

"He's been keeping to himself," Steve says. His eyes flit about the kitchen. "Do you need help with anything? You're a guest, you shouldn't have to cook."

"I want to, but I thank you for your generous offer. Would you like to tell the others that dinner is almost ready?"

"Of course," Steve says. He bows because he thinks that's appropriate in this situation and walks briskly out of the kitchen. As soon as he's no longer in Frigga's line of sight he sprints down to Tony's lab.

"Busy," Tony says not even looking up from the metal he's soldering.

"You want to be unbusy," Steve says. "We've got company."

Tony spins around. "What kind of company? Do I need the suit? Should we sound the alarm? Doombots? Please tell me no, I'm not in the mood for crazy supervillains today."

"Frigga's here," Steve says.

All the color drains from Tony's face. "Shit. Okay. You go get Clint and Natasha. I'll get Bruce. Does Thor know she's here?"

Steve shrugs. "I would assume so since she's his mother, but I don't know. Why didn't we know she was here? Doesn't your tower tell you when we have visitors?"

"It should." Tony frowns up at the ceiling. "As soon as we're done playing host, I'm going to remodel our defense systems."

"Good. Hurry and get Bruce, dinner's almost ready."

Tony wipes his hands on his pants. "Dinner?"

Steve frowns at the gray streaks on Tony's jeans. "She wanted to cook for us. I would suggest changing before you show up."

"Is it all right to be a little terrified right now?" Tony asks.

Steve nods. "Our agency may or may not have just killed her son. I think it's okay to be a lot terrified."

"Poor form to wear the suit to dinner?"

Steve doesn't bother replying to that.

Everyone but Thor is gathered around the dinner table ten minutes after Frigga had sent Steve to collect everyone. Thor had been in the gym, the only place he's been going besides Loki's room, and he'd wanted to shower before dinner. Steve had left out the part about his mother cooking, because he still wasn't sure if her presence was a surprise or not.

"I apologize for my tardiness," Thor says, his voice reaching the kitchen before he does. When he sees everyone sitting around the table he pauses, because his mother is setting a plate of chicken down on the table. "You left him? How could you leave him alone? He needs to be with someone who cares for him."

"He is sleeping," Frigga says. "I would not have left him otherwise."

Thor pauses. "Sleeping?" His hope balances on the question, and his eyes implore Frigga to give him the answer he wants.

"Sleeping," she confirms. "He has been returned to himself. He needs to rest, but he will awaken soon."

Thor does not know whether he should run up to Loki to see this miracle for himself or hug his mother or thank every deity in the Nine Realms. His brother is alive, and he is going to be well.

"I will stay until he awakens and then I must return to Asgard," Frigga says. She hands Steve the carving knife before taking her seat opposite him.

"He will be glad that you came," Thor says as Steve begins slicing off pieces of chicken.

The table falls silent for a moment, and Tony looks around wondering who's going to break the silence. When no one steps up he decides it's up to him. "Did you travel by Bifrost or Tesseract?"

"Tesseract, though our engineers are working with the Tesseract to repair the Bifrost. Soon Asgard will be able to travel through the realms with ease again."

"Why not use the Tesseract all the time?"

"It is too dangerous for everyday use, and Heimdall longs to have his original post back. Everything will work out. How are your projects going? Thor tells me you are also interested in energy; though, a different kind than the Tesseract."

Tony's clean energy project had taken a backseat to saving the world and then all the repairs needed to the Helicarrier and the quinjets, but now he's back to trying to make the world a better place to live in. He really deserves more credit for all the work he's doing.

"They're coming along nicely. We're working on some more buildings that are powered by arc reactor technology. I think next we're going to try and get a whole town run on clean energy to see how efficient it is, and where we need to improve. Before I die, I want the Pentagon running on this stuff."

"The Pentagon?" Frigga asks.

"Important building," Tony answers. "Don't worry about it. So when do you think Loki will wake up?"

Frigga smiles, a little sad, a little fond. "He has always been an early riser. When he wakes it will be with the sun. I hope for tomorrow, but I fear that might be too early to hope for."

"Do you want a room to sleep in tonight?" Tony asks. "I have plenty extra."

"I will stay with my son but thank you."

Tony shrugs and starts eating. He's done his part to initiate conversation. Time for someone else to take up the mantle.

Loki stirs and he bolts straight up when he doesn't recognize the bed he's sleeping on. He's accustomed to the hardness of the closet shelf with minimal cushioning from a blanket, but he's on an actual bed right now. Has he been found? Is he in trouble?

He glances around the room, trying to determine where he is, and his eyes fall on the figure lying beside him. Thor is still sleeping, even through Loki's panicked awakening. Loki still doesn't understand why he's in a bed, and now he has to try and figure why Thor is with him.

They used to sleep in the same bed as boys, but they're not boys anymore, and they're not even on Asgard. They're on Midgard, and Loki isn't sure if this is an accepted custom. All he knows is that he's not where he's supposed to be, and his head is fuzzy. Had they been drinking last night?

Only one way to find out.

Loki gives Thor's shoulder a shake, and Thor snores loudly and curls away from Loki's hand.

"Come on you big oaf," Loki says shaking harder. "Wake up, I have questions."

Thor's eyes fly open and he flips over so he can engulf Loki in a rib bruising hug. "You are awake, brother!"

"Of course I'm awake," Loki grumbles, but he doesn't try to escape Thor's hug. "Are you still drunk?"

"Drunk?" Thor asks, pulling back and looking confused. "What do you mean?"

Loki studies Thor's eyes for a moment, but he doesn't see any signs of intoxication. "We didn't drink last night?"

Thor shakes his head. "You were sleeping last night."

"Sleeping? All of last night?" Loki runs his hands through his hair and tries to remember. Something isn't quite right, but he can't figure out what. What is his last memory?

He had gone down to Tony's workshop with Thor to prepare for some ridiculous human fighting game. Laser tag, Tony had called it. He had played the game, and he and Thor had won, but something had gone wrong.

He'd gotten shot. Loki had shot Steve, and then his clone had been shot. Loki sinks back against his pillows. He had used his remaining strength to form a new clone and assure Thor that he was still alive, and that had almost killed him. Loki doesn't remember much after that. He remembers a hand clutching his, words spoken above him, a bright presence, but nothing concrete.

Loki understands the worry in Thor's eyes and the naked relief now. He reaches a hand out to cup Thor's cheek. "You told me to come home," Loki remembers.

Thor smiles and covers Loki's hand with his. "You finally listened."

"Someone else was here," Loki says. "I felt another presence."

Thor smiles. "Mother is here as well. She came as soon as she heard. We have both been sitting with you, trying to bring your consciousness back to your body."

"Mother?" Loki asks and he looks around the room again but there's not sign of her. "Mother came?"

"She feared for you," Thor says. "We both did."

Loki's free hand grips Thor's wrist. "You are more than I deserve."

"You risked your life to protect this city," Thor says. "I would have destroyed it if I thought you dead."

Loki shakes his head. "I risked my life to protect you. You would not have been able to bear the guilt if you had hurt these people."

Thor smiles and presses a kiss to Loki's temple. "We are brothers. We are exactly what we each deserve."

Fury is in a meeting with Coulson and Hill trying to figure out what they're going to do about the Loki situation when Tony bursts into the room.

"There was a lock on that door for a reason," Fury says not even bothering to look up from his notes. He has a possibly dead prisoner on his hands, and so far Thor hasn't tried to kill anyone, but Fury's pretty sure that will change if Loki dies. Which means Fury needs to come up with how to tactfully tell Odin that Plan Reform Loki failed and come up with a way to detain Thor so he doesn't take out half the world with a lightning storm.

"Frigga's on her way," Tony says. "Just thought I'd give you a warning."

Fury looks up at that. "Frigga as in the Norse goddess?"

Tony nods. "Loki woke up, but I guess she wanted to talk to you before she went back to Asgard. She's having difficulty with the metal detectors at the moment, but I give her five minutes before she shows up at the room wanting to talk to you about having a sniper take out her baby boy."

Tony grins and, having given his cheery news, leaves. Fury sinks down into his chair. This day just got a hell of a lot worse. His life was much simpler before alien gods became a part of it.

"Should we go, sir?" Maria asks, already halfway out of her seat.

"Don't even think about it," Fury says. He waves her back down. "We're facing this together."

Maria flicks a worried glance over to Coulson, but she doesn't say anything, and she doesn't move again.

Frigga walks in, her dress brushing the ground with every step. She smiles which doesn't put Fury any more at ease, and she gently shuts the door behind her.

"Good morning," Frigga says. "I trust you are doing well today."

"We are," Fury says doing his best not to fidget. He runs the toughest agency in the world. There is no reason for him to be afraid of the woman before him. His palms don't stop sweating.

"You can relax, I am not going to harm you. I am too well versed in diplomacy to do something so crass."

Fury doesn't relax, and Frigga doesn't sit, she just levels him with an even stare.

"As the Queen of Asgard, I understand the recent action you have taken regarding Loki Laufeyson. I understand why you track his movements, and I understand why you shot first and investigated second when you thought one of your men were in danger. He is a hostile in your care, and you have treated him as such. I cannot fault you for that."

Fury isn't sure how he's supposed to respond to that. His first instinct is to say thank you, but that doesn't seem appropriate.

Frigga's eyes narrow, her pleasant diplomatic face disappearing. "As Loki's mother, I would like to remind you that the right to kill Loki has been given to Thor. If anyone else kills Loki, whether on purpose or accidently, their life will be given to Thor in restitution. Do you understand my meaning?"

"Yes ma'am," Fury says. Under the table, he clenches his hands into fists to keep them from shaking.

"Good." Frigga is smiling again. "It is time for me to return to Asgard. I hope I will not have to return to your planet in the near future."

Me too, Fury thinks as she walks out the door.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I intend no offense the people of Alaska. Everything I know about Alaska I've learned from Sarah Palin's Alaska so it may not be accurate. Also, I hope this chapter answers some of your Alexandra questions.

* * *

Loki feels surprisingly good for having been almost dead for the better part of a week. He supposes it makes sense, because all the healing happened while his consciousness was separated from his body but besides the occasional headache and light fatigue he isn't suffering any consequences now that he's awake.

Well, that's not entirely true.

Thor is hovering. It's an incredibly irritating habit, and after the third time Loki turned around and almost broke his nose on Thor's chin he'd snapped. Thor's still hovering, but he gives Loki about five feet of space. Loki figures he'll let the annoyance go for a week before talking to Thor about it again, because he understands that Thor is worried, and he appreciates the worry, but at the same time he values privacy and having space to breathe.

"You can't come with me," Loki says as he laces his shoes. Thor's leaning against the elevator doors, dressed to go out.

"I don't like you going alone."

Loki's going to the orphanage to explain that he'd caught a nasty bug and hadn't wanted to infect the kids. He's not going to collapse on the way there, and Thor's presence would be difficult to explain. The kids don't know that he's Loki, brother of Thor, and Loki wants to keep it that way.

"I've been going alone all this time and have never had a problem."

"What if something happens on the way?"

Loki reminds himself that Thor is worried and that's a normal brotherly reaction and that Loki should appreciate it. He still rolls his eyes. "I can take care of myself, and no one in SHIELD is going to be shooting me for a while. I'm going to be fine."

"I do not like it," Thor says, but he moves away from the elevator. "Will you return to me soon?"

"I'll be home for dinner." Loki shakes his head, but he's smiling, and he reaches a hand out to touch Thor's shoulder. "I'm fine. I promise."

Thor clasps Loki's shoulders and holds him still, staring deep into Loki's eyes as if he's trying to figure out if Loki is telling the truth, but there's something else. Thor is looking into Loki like he's trying to figure out who he is staring at. It's something Thor's been doing since Loki woke up, like he's trying to determine whether he's looking at Loki or a clone of him, and the scrutiny makes Loki fidget, uncomfortable with feeling so exposed.

"It was always me," Loki says when Thor doesn't let go. "My clones and I are all connected."

"It is not the same." Thor's hands squeeze gently then drop to his sides. "I want my brother, not a copy of him."

Loki can't help but feel that once again he's done something wrong. "I was trying to protect myself."

"That is my responsibility, and I do not want you to feel like you must hide here."

Loki almost points out that he'd recently been shot so he has every reason to feel like he should hide here, but he actually wants to make it to the orphanage at some point in the next hour so he keeps his mouth shut on the subject.

"Thank you," Loki says instead and he gives Thor a brief hug.

As Loki pulls back he catches the worry on Thor's face, etched deeper in the lines on his face at Loki's unprompted display of affection so Loki reaches out and pinches a bit of skin just above Thor's hip.

"You should hit the gym today," Loki says as Thor jerks back from the pain. "You're getting soft."

Worry is wiped off Thor's face, replaced with outrage, and Loki laughs and teleports away as Thor lunges for him.

* * *

When Loki gets to the orphanage, he explains the sickness to Mr. Gordon and once he assures the man, four times, that he's no longer contagious, Loki's allowed to go into the playroom to see the kids.

They all drop what they were doing and rush him, and they knock him to the ground as they fight to hug him and talk to him and press themselves as close as they can to him.

"Where have you been?" Becca demands.

"You missed Power Ranger day!" Justin sounds offended that anything could deign to be more important than Power Rangers.

"We had a picnic yesterday." Daniel climbs into Loki's lap, shoving Caleb out of the way. "We even got chocolate cake."

Caleb shoves back, knocking Daniel out of his spot. "I got to have two pieces."

"Did not," Justin says. "Nobody got two."

Loki laughs and tries to hug and listen to all of them at the same time. He lets them shout over each other for a minute or two, enjoying hearing their voices again before he tries to put some order into their chaos.

"Okay," he says. "Calm down and I'll answer your questions."

They all sit around him, but they're all touching him in some way; a knee brushing his, a hand on his shoulder or gripping his shirt. Becca is the only exception. She has her arms crossed over her chest, and she's giving him a look that says 'you're not off the hook so easily'.

"You left," she says after a moment. "You left us and didn't say why or where you were going or if you were going to come back."

The 'I didn't think you were coming back' hangs heavy in the air, and suddenly all the children are looking at him, demanding answers.

"I was sick, I'm sorry." Loki wishes he could reach out and touch all of their shoulders as the same time, reassure them, wipe the fear and the suspicion and the pain off their faces. "I would never just disappear. That's cruel."

"You were sick?" Becca's anger fades immediately and she throws herself forward, pressing her hand against his forehead. "Are you okay now? Should you lie down? Maybe we should get you a glass of water."

Loki holds up his hands to try and say 'I'm fine, you don't need to worry about me,' but then the kids press closer, clinging to his arms and his waist, and he just settles back and lets them fuss over him.

* * *

As an apology for being away for so long, Loki arranges a trip with all the kids to watch a minor league baseball game. He even convinces Alexandra to come, Alexandra who hasn't left her room since she was brought back, and even though she sits on his lap the whole time and refuses to smile or talk to anyone, she does eat an ice cream out of a plastic baseball hat so Loki considers it a success.

He brings them all back to the orphanage, and they're all worn out, but have giant smiles on their faces, and some of them, Becca and Justin, have cotton candy sticking to their cheeks. They're all sporting Binghamton Mets caps with angry yellow bees on them, and Loki drops them off at the orphanage and gives them all a hug before he heads back to the tower.

He doesn't know what's been going on while he's been gone, because he's promised that he won't use more clones than necessary, and that he will not, under any circumstances, hide his real self in a closet while his clones live for him, so it comes as a surprise to him that the Avengers minus Steve are assembled in the living room staring blankly at the TV when he reaches the living room.

The smile drops off his face, and he takes his cap off, feeling like it's somewhat inappropriate. Tony's still half in the Iron Man armor, and he's pretty sure some of the red in Natasha's hair is blood, and Bruce looks like he's meditating, and—

"Was there an attack?" Loki asks.

The five of them startle, and Natasha is on her feet, a knife in her hand, ready to pounce before she realizes that it's only Loki. She relaxes, minutely, and Clint pulls her down to his side and runs his hands through her hair until she slips her knife back into her sheath.

"There was," Thor answers and even he looks exhausted, dark rings under his eyes, his hair looking frazzled like he'd been commanding lightning all afternoon. "We dispatched of the problem. Alaska is once again safe for caribou."

Loki frowns but decides it's best to leave that one alone. And then he realizes that there's an Avenger missing, and his entire body tenses as he scans the room for Steve. He's not hiding behind the couch or curled up in a chair, and Loki doesn't hear him in the kitchen or even down the hall, and he can't help his moment of panic that something has happened to Steve.

"Where's your Captain?" Loki asks trying to act casual. "Isn't it his job to help you all recover?"

Tony laughs. "Yeah, no. I don't need his help, and since he's a freak, he's down in the gym. Apparently four straight hours of combat wasn't enough for him."

"He's not a freak," Bruce says. "His body is different than yours, and he has to work off the excess adrenaline or he'll be fidgeting uncontrollably for the next two days."

Loki leaves them to debate Steve's physiology and heads down to the gym to make sure Steve's okay. He's not an expert on the super serum, but if Thor looks exhausted from the battle then Loki can't imagine how Steve isn't also exhausted. More physical exertion can't possibly be good for him.

* * *

When Loki reaches the gym, Steve is standing on the raised ledge on the far wall, straining towards the first rope in the ropes course. The rope is tied up so Loki has no idea what Steve is trying to accomplish, but his toes are on the edge of the wooden platform, and his fingers still have a few inches before they reach the rope, and there's no way Steve's going to be able to reach. He's going to fall, and while it's only about a twenty foot drop, and it wouldn't hurt him too seriously, it makes Loki nervous.

Steve doesn't notice Loki's presence, and Loki watches his fingers twitch as if they're trying to close around the rope, but the rope is still a good five inches away, and he leans a little bit more, and then he's lost his balance and tumbling down towards the ground.

Loki doesn't think, he just reacts, and in a moment he's teleported himself across the room, and he catches Steve before he hits the ground.

"Ugh," Loki says, barely staying on his feet as Steve crashes into him. "You're denser than you look."

"Serum side effect," Steve says. He realizes that Loki's holding him bridal style and he jumps out of Loki's arms and offers up a sheepish smile. "Sorry. Thanks for catching me. Must have slipped."

Loki watches Steve's eyes skitter across the room. He's clearly a man with something on his mind, and from the pained, haunted expression on his face, it isn't something good.

"Any reason you were trying to reach a rope you wouldn't even be able to swing or train on?" Loki asks.

Steve shrugs. "Practice?"

"Uh huh." Loki slides down the wall so he's sitting, and he stretches his legs out in front of him, making it clear that he's not going anywhere any time soon. "Practice for what?"

Steve shrugs. "Expecting the unexpected?"

It's not the answer Loki's looking for, but Steve slowly sits down next to him, so Loki considers it a win anyways.

"I saw the others upstairs. They look pretty shaken up. Tough mission?" Loki watches as Steve's shoulders stiffen, his posture goes straight, and he pastes a fake smile on, and Loki shakes his head. "I'm not Fury, I'm not SHIELD, I'm not an Avenger, I'm just a friend. You don't have to lie to me or act tough for me."

The fight goes out of Steve's body in one sharp exhale, and his shoulders slump forward, and he drops his head like it's too much effort to hold it up. "It was a mess. It shouldn't have been, but the Alaskans are tough. They have their guns and their pride, and they wanted to fight with us. Thought they could handle it."

Steve runs his hands through his hair and tugs at the short strands as if that small gesture could fix everything. His shoulders fall forward more when it doesn't. "They put up a damn good fight, but they weren't soldiers. It was a bloodbath. I mean, we won, but we still lost, and I hate that."

Loki's not sure how to comfort him. He's given Thor plenty of reassuring talks after battle, but this is different. There are no civilians on Asgard the way there are on Midguard. Everyone who can fight fights, and those who can't fight, the young, the elderly, the sick, they are off limits in combat. The wrath of the gods is brought down on those who kill the weak and the defenseless, but on Earth it's different.

Giving a man a gun makes him a fighter, a defender, but it doesn't make him a soldier the way giving an Asgardian a weapon makes him a soldier. Humans aren't trained for warfare. These people were trying to protect their homes, their territory, but they weren't a trained military unit so Loki doesn't know what to say. I'm sorry isn't enough, but he doesn't have anything else.

"Tell me what happened," Loki says and he reaches out a cautious hand and lays it on Steve's shoulder.

Loki can feel the slight shudder that rolls through Steve's body before he takes a deep breath and starts talking. He tells Loki everything from the Avengers Assemble text to the flight out to the warning they sent to clear the area that actually only served to bring the civilians into the danger to the bloody mess to the aftermath as the Avengers had to go and drag bodies out of the snow.

By the end, Steve's shoulders are shaking and his voice is tight as he tries to keep himself composed. When Loki leans in, wrapping his arms around Steve, Steve gives in and drops his head to Loki's shoulder, a quiet sob escaping his throat.

"I have to be strong for the others," Steve says, his voice soft, broken. "I have to reassure them, be their Captain, but I can't hold it together all the time. All these people are dead. These people I'm supposed to be protecting. They died to help us. That's not how it's supposed to work."

"They made a choice," Loki says. "They knew the danger, they heard the warning, and they came to help."

"A choice." Steve laughs, harsh, bitter, and he pulls back, and Loki's not sure what he's said wrong, but Steve's eyes have hardened, chasing away the threat of tears. "Well, damn people and their choices. They don't get to choose to die. I want to protect them. That means they don't get to run into a battle they're not ready for, and that means they don't pick up my shield and throw it and draw attention to themselves."

Steve's fists are clenched, and his eyes are wild, and he's shaking with barely repressed rage, and Loki is afraid of him. He wants to edge back before he directs that rage at himself, he wants to run and hide like he used to when Thor would get worked up, but Steve's clearly hurting, and Loki doesn't want to leave him alone.

"This isn't about today," Loki deduces and just like that all the rage slips out of Steve's body. It comes out in tears, and shaking shoulders, and gasping sobs that have Loki instinctively wrapping his arms around Steve again and pulling him close.

He lets Steve's tears soak through his shirt as he holds him and rocks him gently back and forth. He doesn't tell Steve that everything is okay, because clearly everything isn't okay. He just sits there, and let's Steve know that when he's ready to talk, Loki is willing to listen.

"I can't save anyone," Steve says and he sounds so broken, so young, so hopelessly defeated that Loki clings tighter to him. "I couldn't save the people today just like I couldn't save Bucky. People keep dying for me. They shouldn't do that. That's not fair. I don't want to be the person people look up to and want to die for."

"They're not dying for you," Loki says, running a soothing hand down Steve's back. "They're dying for themselves, for their beliefs, for countless reasons that you'll never know, because you aren't them. Maybe they're dying to protect their children or their land or because they think it's the right thing to do. Maybe you've inspired them, but you're not forcing their hand. You're not responsible for their lives."

"I'm responsible for everything," Steve says and he suddenly sounds every single one of his years, the 70 years in the ice included.

"You only like to think that," Loki says and he takes a moment to reflect on the irony that he's lecturing Captain America on responsibility and struggling to comfort him through the pressures of being a hero when not too many months ago Loki was trying to destroy the planet because he felt he'd been wronged by his family.

"We're all only responsible for ourselves," Loki says. "Our actions and our reactions to what happens to us. You didn't tell those people to lay down their lives. That was their decision. Don't take it away from them. Give them the dignity of their freedom of choice."

"Freedom." Steve huffs out a laugh. "Right. Captain America. I'm supposed to be celebrating and spreading freedom, not restricting it."

"That's my job," Loki says, softly, teasing, like he's afraid any wrong word will undue the progress he's made.

"Not anymore." Steve lifts his head off Loki's shoulder to give him a watery smile. "You're changing."

Loki smiles and tousles Steve's hair. "A bit of a process, but I think you might be right."

"Of course I'm right." Steve puffs out his chest, looking a bit more like his old self. "I'm Captain America."

Loki laughs and they sit there, side by side on the gym floor, and talk until Tony uses the sound system to announce that dinner's ready.

* * *

Loki adjusts his pajamas and goes into the closet to climb into his nest to sleep. He's stopped hiding his real self, but he's kind of gotten used to the nest. Yeah, the shelf is hard, and the bed is way more comfortable, but he feels like he belongs in here.

He's fluffing his pillow when he spots his redemption charts lining the wall. He looks at them and realizes that he hadn't been thinking about bullet points and lists and cancelling out wrongs this afternoon when he'd talked to Steve. He'd been thinking about Steve, and how he was hurting, and Loki wanted it to stop, wanted him to feel better, because they were friends, and that's what friends did.

Loki stares at his lists for a moment longer before he's a frenzy of movement, tearing them down, ripping them to shreds, crumpling them to pieces. He takes all the little paper scraps and dumps them into the trashcan.

He knows that no one will understand what just happened except for him, and it's not really that big of a step, but it's still a step, and it's finally one in the right direction, and Loki can feel his mouth stretching into a stupid smile. For the first time since he's landed on Earth, he thinks he might actually be able to do this. He sees hope in his future instead of Mjolnir's final judgment, and he flops down on his bed, his luxurious, soft, warm, inviting bed, and he laughs.


	10. Epilogue

A/N: Thank you everyone who's been here through this story and Cultural Differences, and my attempt to show perhaps some different sides to Thor and Loki. I know that a lot of you wanted Loki to adopt Alexandra, and while I do believe that Loki's redemption is possible, I can't imagine him ever being allowed to adopt a child on Earth. I hope you're satisfied with how Alexandra and her storyline is resolved. And I was tempted to end this story on the last chapter with the proof that Loki is changing, but this tale began long before I started telling it with Thor and Loki side by side, and I couldn't end it any other way.

* * *

Epilogue:

Loki shakes out his cape and surveys the land before him. To the west of the city there is nothing but ice covered mountains, stretching out past where his eyes can see, but he knows that they end, cut off by a fast flowing river.

It is the river that never freezes, and it winds its way through his kingdom providing hope to the giants of Jotunheim. It proves that not everything in this land is condemned to be cold and frozen, and it is this river that Loki traveled on when he returned to Jotunheim.

When his time on Earth was deemed through, and Loki was permitted to return to space, he stayed in Asgard only long enough to build a ship sturdy enough to carry him and then he set sail. He traveled through the barren lands, docking whenever he saw signs of life, bringing a message of hope to the frost giants.

He was the disgraced son who had returned in glory, and he brought fire and hope to his people, and they welcomed him everywhere he traveled. He regaled them with tales of Midgard and the peculiar creatures called humans, with stories of their strange habits and fascinating customs, and he slowly worked his way toward the capitol city.

The guard was prepared for him when he reached the gates, and they did not let him pass. He was the half-breed, Laufey's mistake, and Laufey's killer, but he was also Laufey's son so Loki did not back down.

He stood before the closed gates of his true home and promised that if they did not open for him then he would rally the people, and they would tear the city down.

The gates did not open, and Loki returned to his boat and began the tough journey of paddling upstream. He went back to the villages and small towns and huddled masses he had visited before, spending a few days in each before moving on so the king's men couldn't find him, and Loki always left them with something; the means to create fire for themselves, patterns for homes that would keep out the wind, the material for roofs that wouldn't collapse under the heavy weight of ice.

Loki spread his name through the barren reaches of Jotunheim until Loki Laufeyson was whispered of late at night beside hot burning fires.

He finally settled down in the mountains, and he lived there for two years gathering support. He spoke of a Jotunheim where unwanted children wouldn't be cast out to the ice die or survive only by some miracle. He laid out plans for multiple cities that could protect the people from the elements and from the beasts that lurked in the snow storms. He patiently outlined a new way of life, a new Jotunheim, and frost giants sought him out, interested in this new life.

It's been five decades since Loki and his army successfully uprooted the old regime, but he still takes time to look out at where he started, a reminder of how far he's come.

"Your highness?"

Loki turns to the giant behind him. The man gives a deep bow before speaking again. "The King of Asgard is here to see you."

Loki smiles and if his steps are quicker than usual as he goes to find Thor, no one he passes comments on it.

"Loki," Thor greets, a broad smile on his face.

"Thor." Loki's smile matches his and he gives a nod of acknowledgment before turning to his bodyguards. "Please leave us."

Jaufey hesitates even though Loki makes this same request every time Thor comes to visit, but he eventually jerks his head and motions for his men to follow him out, leaving Thor and Loki in the privacy of Loki's throne room.

"Brother." Thor's smile stretches even wider, and he crosses the space between them to give Loki a hug.

Loki grins and bends down to hug Thor back, still not used to the height difference between them when he's in his Jotun form. "Tell me, how is Asgard?"

"Asgard is well. The apple harvest went well, mother and father have embarked on a journey to rekindle their love, and the Bifrost has discovered a new planet. I shall set forth as soon as the Allfather returns. Would you like to accompany me?"

"On a journey through space?" Loki walks towards one of the many windows in his throne room, and looks out over his realm. Right outside his window there are children climbing onto their roofs with sheets of metal so they can slide down and into the street. Their mouths are open, laughing or screaming or perhaps both, the sound doesn't penetrate the palace walls. "I must decline. I am needed here."

"Are afraid you will fall and love and never return?" Thor teases.

"You're the one with the wanderlust," Loki says. "I finally have my home, and I have no desire to leave. Besides, I cannot leave my newest creation."

"Creation?" Thor's eyebrows pull together. "You have given birth again? Why was I not invited?"

Loki laughs and shakes his head. "Creation, not child; though I suppose you could call her the child of my mind. Would you like to meet her?"

The first thing Loki did once he had secured the throne of Jotunheim was invite his children home. He sought them out, explained why they had been separated, how it had pained him to be without them, and he offered them a place on Jotunheim. Some told him to leave and never return, some scoffed at the offer, some accepted.

Jormungandr had wanted to return to Loki, to live in the waters of Jotunheim, but if he released his hold on the Earth then it would fall apart and scatter across the galaxy, and Loki couldn't condemn an entire planet to death so he goes and visits Jormungandr when he has the time, and he's encouraged his other children to keep their brother company.

Loki tells Jorgmungandr stories when he visits. Stories about the humans that Jormungandr's sacrifice is protecting. He tells him about American Presidents and British Prime Ministers. He tells him about the children of India and the mothers of Morocco, and the little Australian boy who grew up to be an Olympic athlete. But Loki always ends his visits with a story about the greatest humans he ever knew. There were five of them, and they joined with Thor and became a group called the Avengers, tasked with defending the Earth from threats.

"I would be honored to meet her," Thor says.

They're standing side by side on a stretch of frozen ground, and all around them there are wisps of grass struggling to grow, struggling to survive. The next snow will trap them, hold them down, but some of them will live to see the next snow melt. Jotunheim is resilient like that. It takes a beating, and yet still holds on.

"She is here?" Thor asks looking around, because all he can see is the ground and a few trees, and nothing that looks alive.

Loki smiles, because Thor still hasn't learned the value of patience, and he points to the distance. Something glints in the sun before vanishing.

"Was that a fairy?"

Loki shakes his head, and he watches Thor's frown wrinkle in his forehead and tug his eyebrows together, and he's pouting the way he did when he was a boy, and Loki can't help but laugh. "She's shy, brother. Give her time."

"Will you at least tell me what she is?"

"She is beautiful," Loki says, and his smile drops off his face as he becomes more serious. "She is imagination and she is hope and she," Loki pauses and looks past Thor's shoulder, "she is here."

Thor whips around, and his mouth falls open as he takes in the creature before him. She looks like a horse, but she is a dark shimmering blue, like the surface of the ocean late at night, a color he has never seen on a horse before. Her neck is long and graceful, and then, protruding from her head is a light blue horn, pointing proudly to the sky.

"How?" Thor breathes when he means to say hundreds of other things. He is viewing the only unicorn in existence, a creature that is of legends and is now of flesh, because his brother has created her. He is staring at beauty and innocence, and when the large brown eyes turn their full weight on him he looks away with tears in his eyes, because he cannot look into such perfection.

"Decades of work," Loki says his voice both reverent and proud. "She is something, isn't she?"

Loki had spent hours theorizing the creation of a unicorn ever since Alexandra's funeral which he attended even though he had to hide in the back, because no one there knew who he was. She had lived to be eighty seven, and at the memorial service her granddaughter had gotten up and talked about her grandmother's love of unicorns. It was something everyone knew but that most people had dismissed as an old woman's obsession.

Only Loki and the granddaughter who clutched a small unicorn figurine in her hands as she talked about her favorite memories of her grandmother knew the truth of Alexandra's belief, and Loki was the only one who could appreciate how her belief had survived even through a rough childhood. She clung to her innocence through everything, through to the very end, and Loki could think of no better way to honor her life and how she changed Loki's then to create a unicorn in her honor.

In the end, the formula was simple; the soul of a believer, the blood of a hero, and the tears of a king.

And now Loki has the universe's only unicorn. A Jotun unicorn at that. He smiles as she sidles up to them, rubbing her head against the back of Thor's hand, looking for affection.

"She wants you to pet her," Loki says. "Apparently she likes you. There must have been a flaw in the creation process."

Thor laughs and lightly runs his hand down the unicorn's head. "What's her name?"

Loki smiles and reaches a hand out for her to lick. "Alexandra Rogers."


End file.
